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Old 07-29-11, 03:39 AM
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Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Hi, first of this post is pretty much just venting, so um sorry

I self daignosed about 9 weeks ago with ADHD, probably PI, though possibly my rapidfire speech could be seen as hyperactive.

Since then I spent about 4 hours over the course of 2 appointments with a psychologist. By the end of the second appointment she was openly referring to me as ADHD, but wants to look at some of the tests we did on the second appointment before she gives the official diagnosis.

Also since my self diagnosis it has been one thing after another that seems to confirm that ADHD. For example my Dad shows signs of it, my report cards, and you all here seem like a tribe of lost relatives

Anyway I had fear about my Dad and Stepmom thinking I was using ADHD for an excuse to be a failure, I failed through School undiagnosed in the 80s (4 failed attempts at grade 10) and like many other people I have huge issues with the way people tried to motivate me back then: moral judgements and scare tactics that did not work, and played a large role in developing a good case of social anxiety.

Anyway to my surprise my Dad and Stepmom were quite reasonable and supportive

But about an hour ago I had a skype converstaion with my Sister in Germany. I told her that it turns out that my depression has way less to do with my failures than previously thought and that ADHD is the core of the problem (In fact my depression is so mild I don't even know if fit the term) I described some of my worst experiences in school to her (teachers accusing me of being high in their class when I wasn't and the kids laughing)

She immediately blew off ADHD and diagnosed me with dissociative disorder.

We grew up in a home with a Mentaly Ill Mother, possible Borderline Personality Disorder - She was a sweet and smart lady who could at the drop of a hat turn violent and delusional - screaming obsenity filled delusions at the top of her lungs for about 8 hours solid, and occasionally attacking my Dad physically with significant damage (clawing mostly)

Anyway my pre-ADHD diagnosis was Depression, PTSD, and social anxiety, and the experience with my Mom was seen as the root of these things.

Anyway this is getting way to long and probably just self serving

scrolled up - ya it is long

anyway over the last 2 months I have been amazed at how much more neatly the ADHD/Social anxiety view fits my life than the old diagnosis.

Though it seems to lack empathy I think my experiences at School have been far more traumatic than the problems at home.

In fact I see this very clearly - I have pretty bad social anxiety that probably has more direct negative impact on my life than my ADHD, and I can clearly see that a large part of this anxiety is based on the moral judgments and scare tactics used to "get me motivated" or "make me care" so I would pass school

ya I am just ranting sorry folks


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Old 07-29-11, 07:11 AM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Just wondering if your sister has any professional background whatsoever to be justified in 'diagnosing' you in this way?
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Old 07-29-11, 07:32 AM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

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Originally Posted by sarek View Post
Just wondering if your sister has any professional background whatsoever to be justified in 'diagnosing' you in this way?
no, she has interest in psychology, but her training above the BA level is all in art and she is a fairly successful artist. What irked me was not so much her lack of a professional background - rather that she is younger doesn't know my childhood background that well, and didn't seem interested in hearing anything from me that tried to remove the blame for my dissociative traits from my Moms illness

Edit, not a whole lot of info online about dissociative disorders, but the way this link describes it does not fit me well at all

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dis...CTION=symptoms

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Old 07-29-11, 08:23 AM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Looks to me like you can safely disregard her opinion as yet another probably incorrect opinion among so many.
The only way to be sure is to get an official dx, but failing that as yet you are more likely to know what your issues are than she is.
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Old 07-29-11, 01:18 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

i'm with sarek on this one. I wouldn't put much weight on sis's ability to diagnose.
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Old 07-29-11, 02:16 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Maybe sis is wondering whether SHE has dissasociative disorder?

Wait till you get the definitive dx from the doctor and casually let her know what the professional diagnosis is.
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Old 07-29-11, 06:21 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Sarek nailed it.

What is difficult for you is that you were hoping that she would validate you as your parents have done. You wanted to be listened to- and heard. That didn't happen.

Anyone who is unwilling to hear me tell them what is going on with me, preferring instead to TELL me, never sees me again. Period. If they are a doctor, refusing to hear me over their own bias makes them dangerous to me. If they are a family member, they are telling me about their own inability to recognize that my truth- while different from theirs- is valid. I prefer to drop the discussion because there are better ways to become annoyed.

It sounds like your sister has some level of investment in keeping blame firmly centered on the person she has fixed on. That is her issue to deal with. If you choose to discuss this with her further, it will help to keep in mind that she has some baggage about it that isn't allowing her to hear you clearly.

I'm really glad to know that your parents are understanding and supportive.
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Old 07-29-11, 09:48 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

I had a therapist that was convinced that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder- aka Multiple Personalities. Reasoning- childhood trauma, troubles with memory, focus and concentration, and other stuff like the many different interests I have and the fact that my handwriting changes according to my mood, etc. She would sit there and try to hold conversations with my "alters", despite the fact that I insisted that I didn't have any.

Anyway, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety as well. Depression and anxiety can be comorbid with ADHD, and I think that they along with PTSD can simply exacerbate ADHD symptoms.

I think that it is possible for both your school and home experiences to have caused you trauma, and for you to have ADHD. I think your sister and you might simply be having an unstated debate about whether or not the abuse you experienced was important, like maybe she thinks that if you say that your ADHD caused you more problems than the abuse, then the abuse was not really that bad. That might make her feel invalidated as to her own experience of the abuse, so she dismisses your ADHD diagnosis in response. Often the worst part of childhood abuse is the feeling (reinforced by the abuser) that it is all in *your* head, all *your* fault. Knowing that you suffered consequences from the abuse might have in some way helped your sister feel like the abuse *was* real, and now she feels that your prioritization of ADHD as a cause for your symptoms is threatening that fragile validation.

It's just a thought.
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Old 07-29-11, 10:05 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Growing up, I went through something similar. My mother has been treated for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality, Bi Polar Disorder, etc. Nobody noticed my struggles because my mother was so off the hook.

I had to repeat a grade in High School too.

It would be nice if your sister was supportive, give her time she'll probably come around.

When I was diagnosed, my step mom questioned it a little bit. Both she and her son have ADD. She's not very familiar with the hyperactivity side of it. But, she changed her tune very fast. The change was too drastic to deny.

Just wait, your sister will catch up.
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Old 04-01-20, 09:28 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

update - 9 years later I clue in that my sister has taken one of two ludicrous positions in order for her to be right, adhd is fake or I faked it.

She preached this to my dad and stepmom, and for some reason they didnt check it out with a doctor.

I only clued in now cuz of increasing terrorism through my parents by my sister.
s
in this family my sister can say I faked adhd or its fake, hes just trying to get free speed and sat hes not a loser when he is, and the parents dont think of checking with an actual doctor. Shes a good artist, but..


shes ****** now

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Old 04-01-20, 10:11 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

I'm so sorry Eyeore, that takes disbelief in adhd to a whole new level.
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Old 04-02-20, 03:31 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
I'm so sorry Eyeore, that takes disbelief in adhd to a whole new level.
thanks but that sorry part is over. The new part may still be sorry, but I finally see the old one clear enough to see a shrink and explain how much of a terror victim I was, and call out my family if they continue to use an artist who wants punishment for medicine to overule actual medical diagnosis.
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Old 04-04-20, 07:42 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

btw, the dynamic is very strange, my dad has been turned against his own interest here, not sure my dad could be diagnosed, his case is milder than mine, but I do think he seems a likely source genetically for me.


When I say "my parents" i mean my Dad, Stepmom and Sister, but below is the biggest conversation my dad, stepmom, and I had about my diagnosis.

My dad Said "Mike thinks he has ADD, and he thinks he got it from me"

stepmom said - "you [my dad] were spoilied, when you started daydreaming so much that you were failing school your parents pulled you out and gave you a job instead of punishing you"

So naturally I would rather talk to just my Dad, but can only do that in person as my stepmom reads all the mail I send my Dad, and thinks that is ok.

In fact I cant visit my dads house right now because i will not apologise for something I said in an email to my dad about her.

I told her this, I will not apologise because I didnt say it to you, you read somebody elses mail*" she said I sent it to their joint email and she can send me a copy to refresh my memory.

I kind of braced for the worst, like my have been alll angry rude and swearing, but first thing I see is in fact I had sent it to my Dads private email.

They are now starting to accuse me of "hate" for suggesting the punishments from them are a key source of my problems, and these hate accusations are why I finally woke up and started digging in to this again.

* I also believe I had a valid point, but no use telling her that

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Old 04-04-20, 07:54 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

great answer tig, sorry I think I missed completely at the time.

and yes one interesting thing is that her take paints me as a drug seeker/abuser,

While back in HS my SCT stuff was seen as proof of drug abuse.








Quote:
Originally Posted by ADHDTigger View Post
Sarek nailed it.

What is difficult for you is that you were hoping that she would validate you as your parents have done. You wanted to be listened to- and heard. That didn't happen.

Anyone who is unwilling to hear me tell them what is going on with me, preferring instead to TELL me, never sees me again. Period. If they are a doctor, refusing to hear me over their own bias makes them dangerous to me. If they are a family member, they are telling me about their own inability to recognize that my truth- while different from theirs- is valid. I prefer to drop the discussion because there are better ways to become annoyed.

It sounds like your sister has some level of investment in keeping blame firmly centered on the person she has fixed on. That is her issue to deal with. If you choose to discuss this with her further, it will help to keep in mind that she has some baggage about it that isn't allowing her to hear you clearly.

I'm really glad to know that your parents are understanding and supportive.
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Old 04-04-20, 08:25 PM
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Re: Dealing with rogue diagnosis from family member

Hey eeyore,
Sorry to hear about all the family terrorism. They sound too unreasonable to have an intelligent and honest conversation about your issues with. They sound like they have some issues going on as well. Discussing how punishment affected you doesn’t equal “hate”. Suggesting it does, sounds more like guilt deflection to me. They don’t want to believe that any of their actions could have caused your issues.

I hope you can spend some time with your father one on one and work out your relationship. That seems to be the most important relationship and the most salvageable. I would avoid your sister and step-mom like the coronavirus right now. There’s too much drama.

I hope you and your father can become closer by having private conversations that are open and honest. He may understand your issues more than you know. There may be certain opinions or things he wouldn’t say in front of his wife and your sis. I don’t know but I hope things get better!
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