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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

 
 
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Old 03-27-20, 02:19 AM
throwaway123 throwaway123 is offline
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Brought up his ADD and now I'm not sure if I came off as intrusive

I posted about a man friend (dx ADD) who pretty much fell off the face of the earth, blocked me which was preceded by him stressing about some family issues -- that was about 3 weeks ago. Things were great between him and I prior, but this is not the first time he has withdrawn like this. The first time he was spiraling down from losing his job, losing his home, hesitating about our "interaction" but yet still wanting to see me, had very low self esteem, said we started that whatever between us at a bad time.. etc. We were friends first then it evolved to being romantic. Difference is that the first time, he broke up with me but was confused about his feelings. Second time there was no breaking up, he snapped at me, said he's not mad and just disappeared.

I read so many ADD forum posts, Reddit posts, found that some people do withdraw when they are stressed out and shut people out. Ok. It's not about me, leave him alone and just maintain those kind thoughts in my head..... except this quarantine situation is not helping! My mind kept repeating those instances that I misjudged like when he said "let's go do this" or "let's go here" - no follow through. His lack of eye contact especially in the beginning. Those times that he said he'd call but never did, and the next day oblivious to the fact that I waited for it. Mood swings. Random inappropriate things that he blurt out.. etc I took all of those things personally, and equated that to how of little value I am to him. I couldn't help myself so I sent him an email a few days ago basically saying that I've been reading about ADD, wish I had done that as soon as he mentioned it so I was able to understand and communicate with him better, that I didn't make wrong assumptions and take things personally, and apologizing if I projected my anxiety on him. I also realized that I hinted at a few things with him which he didn't pick up. Both on text, on the phone and in person which he didn't pick up. I don't know if that's ADD related. He casually mentioned early on that he took Adderall in the past for ADD, and I didn't bother understanding what that meant. I ended the email saying I hope he's taking care of himself, hoping he's able to decompress and have more time for family matters.

I didn't get any response, which I expected....kind of. I mean, there's a pandemic going on. I called that same day and found out I'm not blocked anymore. Now I don't know if that's even appropriate for me to bring ADD up. Is it offensive/intrusive for me to talk about it like that?
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