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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 04-02-13, 02:07 AM
Mushergal Mushergal is offline
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ADHD and getting bored in relationships?

I am a young adult with ADHD. I have been in two serious relationships.

The first one had issues, but nothing unusual for new couples living together. After some very happy, but very typical and unexciting, months, I noticed I was attracted to an acquaintance of mine. I took this to mean that I had fallen out of love with my my ex, and ended the relationship. It was very hard on him and I felt horrible, but also felt that if I had fallen out of love with him the relationship would eventually end on bad terms if I kept on.

I did end up getting together with the man I was attracted to. We have been together for a year. It has been very good. He is extremely supportive of my ADHD and we have a very strong relationship. We are now talking about making a long term future together.

However, as I have realized over this last year, I do not think I did fall out of love with my ex at all. I believe I was just getting bored with our normal lives. The best way I have heard an ADHD person explain how we deal with boredom is, "when the ADHD brain gets bored, it LEAPS, BOUNDS and SCRAMBLES for something new." I believe this might have been what happened to my relationship.

I do not regret it other than that my ex got hurt, because the rational side of my brain knows that my current man is better suited to me personality wise. I am not looking to be told if I did the right or wrong thing or not. When I try to ask non ADHD people for help, I get told basically that I did a terrible thing or that being attracted to the new guy means I could never have loved him in the first place, neither of which I believe.

My question is, is this something other people with ADHD find? That they get bored in the day to day workings of a serious relationship and unintentionally look for something 'new' and 'exciting?" Or is it just that I am screwed up? I fear that as much as I love my current man, this may happen again. If this is related to ADHD, how do others overcome it?

Thank you. I am new to this forum. I don't have anyone else who can help me.
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Old 04-02-13, 02:46 AM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
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Re: ADHD and getting bored in relationships?

Gina Pera is an author who you should find out about right away.

Yes, this is a classic ADHD thing, to be super-strong at the beginning of a relationship and then get bored and go looking for the latest new thing. We have some big problems to solve in relationships. People who get in relationships with us, really have to know what they're getting into as well - otherwise people tend to be really attracted to us at first, because we put our whole life energy into loving them for a while, and then we scare them away after we get bored with them, or after they find out we're kind of weird.

If your current man doesn't know much about ADHD, the Gina Pera stuff is really almost more for him than it is for you - but both of you should read it.
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Old 04-02-13, 06:35 AM
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Re: ADHD and getting bored in relationships?

way back in the early days i would struggle for the excitement and look for more and more ways to stimulate myself . I never cheated on boyfriends but i walked a fine line and if the situtation were reversed i would have flipped out. This all changed when I met my husband. It sounds corny,trite and cliche but it just always was right, it felt like coming home and he is flexible enough to keep up with my antics.I got married when i was 20 and we will have been married nearly 18 years in september.
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Old 04-02-13, 06:49 AM
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Re: ADHD and getting bored in relationships?

Edit:

Stagnation..... if it has been a good relationship and it's just mundane .......

Key thing in this situation is letting him know where your at.

Relationships for normal people run there course too. But they are not riddled with the hyperfocus mind. They clearly see the boredom and stagnation for what it is ( and probably try to correct it several times ).

We act more out of what we want next rather than what it has turned into. Like flipping a switch Does that make sense?

I think unless you are over 30 - 40, it would be best to get a professional counsellor or just take it easy in the relationship and do some fun things separately enjoying what else life has to offer ( I mean tennis, art etc. and not other people!!! ) for a month or three. It should become clearer after either of those.
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Last edited by someothertime; 04-02-13 at 07:06 AM..
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Old 04-02-13, 07:04 AM
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Re: ADHD and getting bored in relationships?

......I can do naught but act as a warning to others in this kind of life experience ....restless and easily bored by most guys ...I was lucky enough to be young when the hippie values were happening ....and I lived that life with glee ....

....I haven't really ever found anyone who I could really settle down with .....I sometimes envy people who can ...but I don't think it was in the cards .....and I always disliked being bored being with people more than I wanted to be in a relationship ....
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