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Old 12-16-04, 10:14 PM
shadowraider shadowraider is offline
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Post LONG Rant/dissertation (and mild success story of adderall hidden somewhere in here)

I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just need to write my thoughts because i've been trying to study for the past 3 hours and have barely read 10 pages and i keep thinking to myself "it must be because I have ADD". I feel like even the notioin of something i haven't even been diagnosed with is becomming a crutch for what is nothing more than laziness, inatentivness, lack of an attention span, whatever you want to call it, but merely a behavioral pattern that I should be able to alter with my will. But try as I had I can not seem to study as well as I did last night when i tried adderall again. More on this later for those interesting in reading a long winded rant.

I am looking for Doc's to make an appointment to get checked out for ADDult.

But the more i try and think about what ADD is and why I have it the more i begin to question myself. ADD is classified as a disorder not a disease, there aren't any definite physical determinents, of course i did read about a study (and post a link for it in the thread that asked if add brains are wired different) that seems to find 'scarring' of the brain tissue in ADD diagnosed people, of course this is just a positive correlation, not a cause and effect.

To what i understand ADD is really nothing more than a group of behavioral patterns, and shouldn't behavioral patterns be alterable with out the aid of medication? I'm not well versed in eastern or alternative medicines at all, but it is widely agreed upon that modern western medicine merely treats the symptoms and not the causes of problems.

Our economey here in the US runs on oil, it's the blood of this country, and Oil is controlled by corporations, and this junk about oil has little relevance to my actual point. But our country is run by corporations, Pharmacuetical companies, big business, Mass Media which has gone down hill since the fairness in media act was repealed (which by the way really should be re-instated). It's widely agreed that our attention spans are being widdled down to nothing more than sound bytes on ABC, Fox, etc. Everything we (the people as a whole) know about the world is what the Mass Media tells, whatever spins they put on it, what ever their perspectives or biases are. Pharmaceutical companies are constantly blasting ads on TV for the newest pill that'll make an 80 year old man have the sexualy vitality of healthy 18 year old, Anti-depressants that will make you take the gun out of your mouth and replace it with sunshine, flowers, rainbows, etc. I beleive that studies would show a strong correlation between most children being practically raised by the TV and those with ADD symptoms. There are more and more people being diagnosed with ADD every day, some people argue that it's because we have better methods of detecting it, some aruge that it's brainwashing done by the Drug companies, or maybee it's because our culture is leaving us devoid of an attention span. Personally I think it's a mix of the latter two.

I really don't have a clue what i'm talking about throughout any of this But i have one of those moments where i just have to share my thoughts.

One of my buddies lent me some of his add drugs over the summer while i was in europe. I feel as though I posses many of the behavioral symptoms of ADD based on my readings. I tried 15 mg of adderall the first time (over a month ago), and 7.5 the second time (the other night) i tried it, and I found that it did help me tremendously to concentrate.

Many people can medidate and supposedly clear thier minds of all thought, i find it hard to beleive that we may need drugs to merely slow ours down, i don't see why it can't be willed... of course try as I have, i have not been able to will my self into concentrating on something I don't want to. I could blame ADD, or mass media, I could blame my parents for some reason or another for how i was brought up, or for their genes, but maybee I just am a lazy person with no motivatioin, no drive, to things that i know I have to but don't want to.

I can't help but wonder if my problems are really just a lack of motivation at the right level. I know this is just two-bit lose interpretation of philosophy (and psychology) 101, and that i'm probably trying to use it in some way to make myself seem like i have half a clue what i'm talking about, but here it goes: Nietzsche beleive that the 'emotional' brain ruled the body, not the 'rational' brain, that ration could not make you do something unless your wanted to do it on an emotional level as well. Maybee that's why i'm especially bad with long term goals, and even short term goals like getting an A on this test. Maybee that rationally i set these goals, but they don't translate emotionally for me, that on the emotional level i completely lack the will and desire to do what my rational brain says I must. I'm constantly sitting talking to myself "you have to get up and do this" but then i get distracted by something shinny, along the way, or I try to do it but can't focus because i truely don't want to do it.

As i said at the begning of this babble I've been trying to study for hours and been able to acomplish nothing. Yesterday i had the same thing happen, and being crunch time for an exam i popped a quarter tablet, 7.5 mg, of one of the adderall tabs my friend in europe gave me. Just like last time i started feeling a buz, of course more mild as i halved the dosage i took the first try, after 15 minutes or so and I just went on to decimate my reading and got it all done in time for the exam, to go on and write what I think to have been a well written 14 page essay on Nietzsche, when the class average was less than 6 pages. And it's not that I rambeled like i'm doing now, it's because I knew every crevice of the material I needed to know.

The first time i took it, 15 mg i was very wired, and the 2nd time i was a bit buzzed but nowhere near as bad; but i can't not consider the fact it may have been nothing more than pscyosomatic responses. I think if that were the case I would not have been as wired the first try, but still the concentration aspect itself was the same in both cases, I could set things on fire with my eyes i was so concentrated and i wonder if the concentrationi was psychosomatic. I know the FDA does double blind tests on all drugs it approves, so logically i accept the fact that these drugs do work. But I can't help but wonder if I really need it, if i really need it even if i do get diagnosed with ADD.

Adderall did help tremendously, but could i become dependent upon it? I can somewhat function with out pills, allbeit not very well, esp on reading for school, or being on time for anything; but why can't these behavioral patterns be unlearned? What happens if i do get a perscription for it? and then stop taking it? will i become pscyhologically dependent upon it? I only took it yesterday because it was 'crunch time', and now trying to study for something else I keep thinking "it must be that I have ADD, maybee i should pop another pill to help me focus" It's very tempting, esp being so far behind and being so completely unable to focus. But maybee my inhability to focus is exacerbated by the psychosomatic response that I have ADD. Maybee because the idea is subconciouisly there, my natural inhability to concentrate is magnified tremendously?

I have always had problems concentrating on school work for as long as I could remember, but I have also always been able to get by with passing grades. But I also hardly remember ever actually trying to study or do work, except for in the moments right before a test or a due date, if at all. The idea wasn't planted in my head until my family physician suggested I get checked out halfway through the 2nd semester of last year because i was not able to focus at all. Maybe if I do in fact have ADD it went undiagnosed for so long because i wasn't hyper-active, and because my parents thought i was just a lazy procrastinator. Maybe the reason i can't remember ever having problems studying in the past was because the only time i did any work was hours before the moment it had to be done, and then college changed things.

At the first University I went to, that I failed out of, the only time i ever recall repeatedly studying sucessfully was in a group situation where i had people around to keep me on task, mainly because I was helping them learn the material. Other than that there were a few times here and there where I was able to get work done, but usually i'd start then immediatly move onto something else. Then i eventually failed out, mainly because i would skip many classes after not being ready to turn something in I would be afraid to show up and skip for weeks at a time until i caught up only to come back and be even more behind.

Then community college Last year, and this year. My first semester I did very well, but I did no studying on my own. I was taking all Top Level (in the comunity college system) Math and Science Courses and I was the only person who understood the material with a very firm grasp in these classes, and much of my time in the study groups was me tutoring my peers. I would pick up the book, read a section, then explain the concepts however i needed to to get the jist of it across, and go over example problems and how they were done, section by section until the chapter was done, then go over examples at the end of the chapter and answer any questions about how to do things. I enjoyed doing it. But then near the end of that semester things broke down with the study group due to scheduling, and i screwed up, skipped classes etc. I managed to tell some fish stories and pass everything with no problems, but then I screwed up completly second semester, and now this 1st semester on the next year. The last few times i've gotten together with someone we acomplished nothing other than bull****ting about cars for the whole time only to get half a section done. Probably not the best person for me to be studying with from now on.

I despise taking pills or doing any kinds of drugs (which is not to say I do not have a drink every now and again, or have no tried other things). In society we're constantly putting all kinds of manufactured crap into our bodies, exposing our bodies to unnatural conditions (radio waves (cell phones are a prime example), radiation, drugs, pollution, smog, etc.) and while there is little hard proof that any of these, in the levels we are exposed to in daily life, cause cancer, or are bad for us I think it can unanimously be said that almost all are not good for us either.



Well, I'm out of steam, maybee i'll write more later if i regain my train of thought, or catch another drunken muse
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Old 12-16-04, 11:07 PM
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gypsysway gypsysway is offline
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I've wondered some of the same things. It's like there use to be a time I didn't have such a time with chores I didn't want to do, but for the most part, I've always been a 2 in the morning crammer, before a test person, ever since I could remember...I go to the doc. tomorrow about the adhd thing, (I have always been hyper) so some of the same questions you are wondereing, I've been throwing around in my head also.
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Old 12-17-04, 12:07 AM
inautumnforfree inautumnforfree is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowraider

I really don't have a clue what i'm talking about throughout any of this But i have one of those moments where i just have to share my thoughts.

One of my buddies lent me some of his add drugs over the summer while i was in europe. I feel as though I posses many of the behavioral symptoms of ADD based on my readings.*** I tried 15 mg of adderall the first time (over a month ago), and 7.5 the second time (the other night) i tried it, and I found that it did help me tremendously to concentrate***.


As i said at the begning of this babble I've been trying to study for hours and been able to acomplish nothing. Yesterday i had the same thing happen, and being crunch time for an exam i popped a quarter tablet, 7.5 mg, of one of the adderall tabs my friend in europe gave me. ***Just like last time i started feeling a buz***, of course more mild as i halved the dosage i took the first try, after 15 minutes or so and I just went on to decimate my reading and got it all done in time for the exam, to go on and write what I think to have been a well written 14 page essay on Nietzsche, when the class average was less than 6 pages. And it's not that I rambeled like i'm doing now, it's because I knew every crevice of the material I needed to know.

***The first time i took it, 15 mg i was very wired, and the 2nd time i was a bit buzzed but nowhere near as bad***; but i can't not consider the fact it may have been nothing more than pscyosomatic responses. I think if that were the case I would not have been as wired the first try, but still the concentration aspect itself was the same in both cases, I could set things on fire with my eyes i was so concentrated and i wonder if the concentrationi was psychosomatic. I know the FDA does double blind tests on all drugs it approves, so logically i accept the fact that these drugs do work. But I can't help but wonder if I really need it, if i really need it even if i do get diagnosed with ADD.
problem one-
you are the first person i know who can concentrate while being buzzed. lucky you. a buzz would sound more like getting a high off of the medication than anything else. concentration and buzz are polar oppsites. ive had a buzz from too much beer and i couldnt concentrate for nothing.

problem two-
adderall does not start working in the body until 45 minutes after for someone who has adhd/add.

i know both of these because i took between 10 and 20mg of adderall, i never felt buzzed once.

please read this----

http://health.yahoo.com/health/cente.../96407677.html

"Immediately after smoking the drug or injecting it intravenously, the user experiences an intense rush or "flash" that lasts only a few minutes and is described as extremely pleasurable. Snorting or oral ingestion produces euphoria - a high but not an intense rush. Snorting produces effects within 3 to 5 minutes, and oral ingestion produces effects within 15 to 20 minutes"

id becareful. i might be wrong, but it doesnt sound like the results that normal occur when taking adderall.
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Old 12-17-04, 12:23 AM
shadowraider shadowraider is offline
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i'm reading that now, i should probably wait to post until after i read it, but 'meh'

The buzz i'm refering to is similar to having downed a bunch of caffine. when i tried the 15 mg it was like having drank an entire pot, vs the 7 mg which was like maybee 2-3 cups.

Not an accurate analogy, but just to give a basic idea.
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