ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Adults with ADD > General ADD Talk
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-15-04, 06:31 PM
tyrion's Avatar
tyrion tyrion is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: western NewYork
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
tyrion is on a distinguished road
Exclamation I need Advice Please

Okay the deal is I am a 28 year old guy with diagnosed ADD. I was diagnosed this summer and have been taking 60mg of Ritalin a day. Me and my wife belive that I have been doing wonderfully and that the medicine is doing an excellent job.

My daughter is almost 4 years old short just a few weeks. Now I know they say you should not try and diagnose that early and her docotor does not want to. We are looking into getting a second opinion so she is not labeld when she gets into kindergarten by the ohhh.. so mean school system as learning diasbled. But her preschool teachers agree with me and my wife when we say she needs to be tested becasue all the signs are ther includinghaving me as a father and my ADD and an older brother who also is diagnosed with ADLD (they waited til he went to school so he got labled). While advice on this would be nice the problem itself is in the next paragraph.

The problem is between me and my daughter. We clash tremendously. Our personalities that is. While my patience is greatly increased under the Ritilan with her I have trouble holding it. it as if since she has the symptoms and idiosycrancies of ADD that she has the sole ability to get under my skin even on medication. What can i do. I loose my temper with her way to often. I don't hink changing medications is an option for me. The Ritilan does do wonders for me. I am a very changed person on it and I feel better then Iever have. Except when I clash with her. I don't now hen we will be able to get her tested and int behavior management(my first choice with her), or if that doesn't help medicated. But I need help now I hate loosing my temper with her but it is so hard not to. It's like my old temper coming bac in this one instance.

Help Please!!
__________________
Tyrion Lannister The Imp

"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister, A game of thrones, p. 57 - George R.R. Martin
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-15-04, 09:38 PM
Struggling Struggling is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: who cares
Posts: 374
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Struggling is on a distinguished road
this may be one of those times where it might be best to get some outside help...family counselor or something...to learn how best to deal w/ things that she does...behaviour modification sort of thing. Despite having ADD...we still have to parent as best we can...I know that when I lose my temper w/ my kids I always feel like crap after, and wish I hadn't lost it. Thankfully...I usually lose it on other people, and not my kids, lol.
__________________
still struggling

I suffer from Overwhlemization Paralyzation
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-15-04, 11:56 PM
Onwari's Avatar
Onwari Onwari is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: May 2004
Location: In my own little world.
Posts: 170
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 3 Posts
Onwari is on a distinguished road
When you feel like boiling over, take a walk outside. A brisk walk. This is of course if someone is there with your daughter. But struggling is right. Some help in that area may be needed.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 10-16-04, 04:05 AM
Kimalimah's Avatar
Kimalimah Kimalimah is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Wherever I happen to be
Posts: 3,566
Thanks: 1
Thanked 101 Times in 31 Posts
Kimalimah has a spectacular aura aboutKimalimah has a spectacular aura about
I guess the important thing to remember is that you, as the adult, carry the responsibility for changing your behaviour and controlling the situaion. She's just too little and just learning what appropriate behaviours are. My son (also ADHD/ODD diagnosed at around 4 yo) made this a real challenge, too.

What worked for us was therapy...he had individual therapy where I was present so I could learn how to best communicate with him and learn about what problems he was facing, family therapy so that my husband and I could work as a team and come up with coping mechanisms that worked for both of us, amd physical therapy for him to help him learn to relax a bit and improve coordination and his perceptual abilites.

We did this for one year and then started him on medication. Without the medication we have a really difficult time communicating with him. It makes it possible to teach him. I would really suggest therapy, first though, medicating is a big step.

I used to lock myself in the bathroom and smoke like a fiend until I got myself under control again. We made sure that his room was 100% safe for his age and would also lock him in until we could get ourselves calmed down and recharged. I would also lock myself in his room with him and just wait it out...always talking calmly and just letting him know I was there and loved him. It's important to have methods for getting a break where both you and the child are safe.

Good luck...

Kim
__________________
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-16-04, 07:24 AM
paulbf paulbf is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: California
Posts: 1,430
Thanks: 0
Thanked 18 Times in 16 Posts
paulbf will become famous soon enough
Hey, that's the old trick for a crazy/frightened cat to lock them in a small room. We went away for a long weekend once & locked the cat in the basement accidentally & when we got back he was really calm & serene.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-18-04, 06:19 PM
Axim_luvr Axim_luvr is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Axim_luvr is on a distinguished road
I have a 4 year old "strong willed" daughter too...here's my advice. Kids that age will do anything for attention. They can do good things or bad things. The important thing for me to remember (speaking for myself) is to look for opportunities to compliment, cherish and play with her.

At 4 years old, she's also old enough to help. By help, I mean that I actually say things like "I really need you to help daddy rake leaves, wash the car, clean the livingroom". You can almost see the esteem rise in her eyes and attitude -- it makes her feel so important.

I heard a quote once that goes, "kids will do bad if they don't have anything good to do. "

Oh yeah I almost forgot. If my kids are annoying, I give them stuff to do. This works because they tend to avoid annoying me.

I wouldn't diagnose her just yet. IMHO
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-18-04, 07:05 PM
MovingOn MovingOn is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 151
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
MovingOn is on a distinguished road
A friends child has just been diagnosed with Aspbergers (he's always a sweet kid when I'm around), but she told me that they are in family therapy mostly for the father's sake. The father has been treated for depression in the last 3 years ( the child is 5) and with both of their problems, father and son are unable to relate properly to each other. Mom goes to therapy too so that she can watch and monitor behavior on both sides throughout the week. The exercises they do make so much sense and after just a few weeks my friend can already see and hear a more peaceful well adjusted home life.

Hang in there Dad! The fact that you have noticed, means that you care, and that has to be the first half of the solution!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-18-04, 10:06 PM
charlie's Avatar
charlie charlie is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,346
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 8 Posts
charlie is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingOn
... The exercises they do make so much sense and after just a few weeks my friend can already see and hear a more peaceful well adjusted home life.!


MovingOn,
Can you share some of these exercises that are working for your friend's family?

Children learn early on how to get the attention they crave and if she's already pulling your strings I agree you definitely need to work things out (counseling).
Speaking from experience here, 18 year old daughter ran our household I'm ashamed to say, and I'm just now trying to get help
I didn't do her any favors by giving in to her rather than dealing with whatever issue she was probably masking and needing help with--(sharing, communicating, other life skills?).


I agree wholeheartedly with Kim's quote "I guess the important thing to remember is that you, as the adult, carry the responsibility for changing your behaviour and controlling the situaion. She's just too little and just learning what appropriate behaviours are."

Keep us posted we're here --especially those days when you need some backup
__________________
charlie (mom of 3)

avatar= Carol Kane Angel :Scrooged

Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-19-04, 08:07 AM
tyrion's Avatar
tyrion tyrion is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: western NewYork
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
tyrion is on a distinguished road
Thank You all for the help and I'm going to hang in there moving. And I may look at therapy.
__________________
Tyrion Lannister The Imp

"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister, A game of thrones, p. 57 - George R.R. Martin
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-11-09, 09:47 AM
clutterbug clutterbug is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: France
Posts: 7
Thanks: 6
Thanked 9 Times in 3 Posts
clutterbug is on a distinguished road
Re: I need Advice Please

There is a book out there that is really great on the subject of viewing ADHD as a gift. There are tons of great qualities that come along with what many people label as a disorder, and it's best never to view your child has having a "disorder" if you can keep from it (or at least, that's my opinion). Anyway, the book is full of thoughts on how to view your child's behavior differently and how to be her advocate and argue for her special gifts in the school system. It isn't an easy thing, for sure, but I think it will be worth it.

My oldest child, for example, has begun to be labelled a "space cadet" in class. Her teacher has begun keeping her after class for special help sessions to help her learn to work better and concentrate better in class. I see her grades, though (all A's and B's) and think she must be pretty darn smart to do that well if she's barely able to pay attention in class. Seeing her in this new way makes me realize that I could more easily defend her if a teacher were to label her. Try to concentrate on your daughters gifts. I actually mentioned some of the techniques in this book to my daughter's teacher, and she was open to them. You just never know a teacher might react when you offer ideas that might help.

Getting this book (that I'm not sure I'm allowed to mention the name of, because that might equate to trying to sell it) might help. Just try googling gift and ADHD. It'll come up.

Good luck to you and your family.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-11-09, 10:53 AM
Song of Mercy's Avatar
Song of Mercy Song of Mercy is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Springfield, MO USA
Posts: 3,883
Blog Entries: 11
Thanks: 4,217
Thanked 3,129 Times in 1,638 Posts
Song of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant futureSong of Mercy has a brilliant future
Re: I need Advice Please

Thankyou clutterbug, that is a wonderful idea for a book. Perspective makes a huge difference in our own behavior. Sometimes I get frustrated and feel like I am hurting my kids esteem because of it. Anyways...heading to google...if you see a pm you will know I couldnt find it :P
__________________
It's Me
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
If you take too much adderall... Advice to not get locked up DjRyanZ7 Adderall 109 05-13-12 07:45 PM
I'm a NEWBIE: I have problems with treatment. any advice? shrewdfool General ADD Talk 2 02-11-05 04:04 AM
My advice to you Nucking_Futs General Parenting Issues 6 01-23-04 10:56 PM
On Giving Advice healthwiz General ADD Talk 4 06-10-03 02:31 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums