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  #1  
Old 10-28-18, 06:52 AM
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Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

So here goes..I have been afraid to post this because I feel like such a loser disappointment. So I signed up for this class that is a pre-requisite for a enrollment in the teaching program and I am way behind. The truth of the matter is, becca came home for 4 days and it was chaos trying to get her into a recovery house and absolutely unbearable having her home due to worry and getting to know who she is now. I felt like a constant babysitter. I also had a terrible fall with a bad injury. Part of it is because I do not understand this online learning thing...There is this portal called 'blackboard' with all these things to do like discussion boards and modules and I feel so obsolete( I would be willing to give a trust worthy person my log in info if they are able to take a look at stuff and help me with it). I had emailed the teacher the first week of the class and not only havent read her response but completely forgot I did. Now I am so afraid.

I am afraid to read what she said. I am afraid to log in. I am afraid to see what I missed. I feel like a failure already. I did do all the reading for the first module but I do not even know how to proceed. I was thinking of emailing the teacher and telling her what happened and finding out if there is any sort of redemption. I am not worried about catching up on the work as far as understanding it but I seriously do not know how to proceed. I am soooo afraid. I am a brave person and have taken on so many scarier things but this feels like the worst.
Did I set myself up for failure? I am a secret self sabotager? I do not know. I know I need electronic hand holding from someone who has experience with this to help me figure out how to proceed.
I am serious about having help from someone here who is trust worthy- I am that desperate. I want to know if emailing the teacher and being honest will help. I can buckle down and catch up but I am afraid all is lost. I have never felt so cowardly- and low. I really do not know what to do. If any one can help me please let me know. I will take all the support (emotionally and literally) I can get.

xxxooo
-sweets
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Old 10-28-18, 06:58 AM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

I would never be able to take an online class.
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Old 10-28-18, 10:44 AM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

feels like you have a pretty big support group here so maybe you can hold that in your heart as you proceed to step 1 and read the email, that will diffuse a lot of paralyzing fear and from there, you will get more support to take the step after that. You're not alone. Also, from what I understand, schools are supposed to have people that help with these things, maybe you could get that help too. Don't give up, if it's something you really want. Remember it's a one foot in front of the other thing, one step at a time...you don't have to do it all at once and keep asking for help.
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Old 10-28-18, 01:00 PM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

I don't know if this will be super helpful, but I can relate to a lot the anxiety/procrastination (falling behind, trying to decide what to tell the teacher, afraid to check email, feeling like a complete failure, etc).

I don't think you are a coward or a self-saboteur. You're not a NT person, and you can't shame yourself into changing that aspect of yourself. What you can do is to change the environment to accommodate your neurological wiring (i.e. designating someone who can regularly check up on you, like a friend, family member, paid coach, etc).
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Old 12-04-18, 05:42 AM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

Thought I'd let everyone know that I had to withdraw from the class. I had all my observation hours set up and then jake had his stroke and I had to cancel them. The teacher is very good though and told me that I would be welcome to come back when things calm down. I havent told jake yet because I do not want him to feel bad. I am going to find out when the next class comes up so I can re-enroll in it again.
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Old 12-04-18, 03:07 PM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

That's totally understandable. Your son comes has to come first right now I hope it turns out as well as possible! He's so young and it seems so sad to have to face something like that. Good luck!
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Old 12-08-18, 12:05 PM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

It already seemed like you had so much on your plate even before your son. Completely understandable to put your son first now. I'm glad you had the observations lined up and feel comfortable with reenrolling.

I hope everything goes well for you, your son, and your entire family.
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Old 12-09-18, 11:55 PM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

Even if you knew how to navigate Blackboard like an expert, there were important family things going on that took precedence over any classwork. I'm glad that you will be able to start again at a later time.
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Old 04-06-19, 01:37 AM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I am afraid to read what she said. I am afraid to log in. I am afraid to see what I missed. I feel like a failure already. I did do all the reading for the first module but I do not even know how to proceed. I was thinking of emailing the teacher and telling her what happened and finding out if there is any sort of redemption. I am not worried about catching up on the work as far as understanding it but I seriously do not know how to proceed. I am soooo afraid. I am a brave person and have taken on so many scarier things but this feels like the worst.
Having just gone through a similar situation and reading your description of how you felt and how it perfectly described how I was feeling, caught me a little off guard. I'd like to express my deepest sympathies to you for having to go through this as I know the pain caused by this seemingly paradoxical way of thinking can be overwhelming enough to halt everything.



The best advice I can give, which has already been briefly been mentioned here and has made a world of difference in my situation: Third party accountability.


Having somebody with a general knowledge of the situation you're in, with an interest in seeing you succeed (the feeling can be mutual!) follow up with you, explain things that can seem easy to understand, but somehow just don't click until said aloud by somebody else who understands. Somebody who can remind you of the 'obvious' things that seem to be overlooked, forgotten, or just buried deep in anxiety and runaway thoughts of worst-case scenarios.



Having that second perspective, especially from somebody who wants to see you succeed, has helped me do a 'hard reset' and pick things back up again when they seem to be running wildly out of control.


I would lastly suggest that you always try and remember that doing something is better than doing nothing. I know this can be very difficult when it seems as though all your options seem destined for failure or far too difficult to achieve realistically, but I promise once the ball gets rolling, even just a little bit, this can be far more reassuring.


I wish you the best, and good luck!
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Old 05-27-19, 01:26 PM
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Re: Paralyzing fear due to procrastination- lack of ability to take action

Wow, thanks for sharing, I've had those same feelings! It's nice to know I'm not alone. Hang in there
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