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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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  #1  
Old 12-29-04, 06:17 PM
paige64 paige64 is offline
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Question pulling my hair out

oh boy where do u start. hubby recently diagnosed with ADD. Heis a very hyperactive person just go go go. He is now on 4 types medications taken 3 times a day. Do i see an improvement? to be honest no. Between both of us working fulltime, phyciatrist, physcologist, gp & anger mangement appointments there is not much time left in the day. The other day (X-Mas day) we had a huge fight. It was stupid but i had to get off my chest. See he thinks its ok for him to be verbal either angry or not. Well i mentioned i feel the same and allowed to get angry and say so if need be. He freaked out well as u can imagine if was not a very merry xmas here. It has now been 5 days and he has barely spoken to me. I suggest we should get out together as a couple this not being dr's appointments etc. Well here we go again freak out. Somedays i can handle this others days i cant. Guess im on a cant week. To top it all off trying to help my brothers and sisters care for our dying mom. Im tired frustrated helppp any helpful hints.

paige64
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Old 12-30-04, 03:32 PM
KarenC KarenC is offline
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Paige - sounds like you've got your hands full. It will take some time for the medication and therapy to begin to kick in but I know how you feel - you're ready for the ADD not to be such a problem. It sounds like he's doing all of the things - medication, therapy, etc. - to deal with his ADD.

I think your instinct that the two of you need some fun time together is correct both for your sake as a couple and for your own piece of mind. If this were me, I would tell my husband that I need his help in coping and that an evening out would help.

My husband doesn't express angry verbally but I believe others here have experience with this and might offer some other helpful suggestions.
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Old 12-30-04, 06:59 PM
at_wits_end at_wits_end is offline
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I've yet to have the "discussion" (ok, fight) with my dear add'er that ended up any way other than not talking for a while, or her breaking down in tears. Fighting doesn't work, as it only ****es both of you off. Don't take the bait, or allow yourself to act poorly. Two wrongs (yelling) don't make a right.

I've found that the best thing to do when the blood starts to boil is to take a series of deep breaths, count to 10, and if the topic can wait until later, do so. Make sure it gets discussed later though, as just letting it simmer for days, weeks, months only causes it to fester.

The best advice I can give you is to read as much as possible and discuss your thoughts/questions/concerns with your add'er as much as possible. KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! It also helps me to remind myself that i'm not the only one in this boat. My sweetie is frustrated too. Shared misery can be strangely comforting, give it a try. Also, I'm sure you are/have been/will continue to be, but you gotta be patient. Easier said than done, I know.

at_wits_end
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Old 01-03-05, 06:59 AM
paige64 paige64 is offline
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thank for the hints i appreciate it. But its frustrating these meds hes been on for 5 weeks this is his 3rd time med have been switched. Ibelieve make it worse. Only 1 week to go till dr's appt. Do u find that add'ers also not just have low self esteem but r often suicidal? This is the case here and the dr's know this.
paige
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