ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Adults with ADD > Women with ADD/ADHD
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-10-08, 11:39 PM
freeindeed freeindeed is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Red Hook, NY
Posts: 8
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
freeindeed is on a distinguished road
ADHD Grief - anyone else?

I am new here, and glad to have found this site.

I am 36 years old, the mom of 4, a wife and a special ed. teacher. I just learned this week that what I have struggled with all my life was ADD. I have been put on Adderall 20mg (what a difference already - in 3 days!) and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week.

I am wondering if anyone else who wasn't diagnosed until they are older, has gone through a grief period of some sort? As relieved as I am, and comforted by all that I have read on this and other boards, I cannot help feeling overwhelmed from time to time and just crying about it. I feel as though I have suffered for all these years, and I never knew why, but I knew something wasn't right. I tried to "figure it out" for many many years, tried antidepressants, tried Xanax, tried counseling, tried lots of things. I just never could get to the root of the problem, or more specifically, of why I am the way I am.

I feel sad because I just always thought I was just a miserable, grumpy and overwhelmed person, who just never really "fit in" and who felt agonized over the slightest tasks. Every day of my life, essentially, has been so challenging and emotionally draining. I have hidden so much because I just figured I was nuts. Now, I know it is ADHD, and I almost feel like I am in shock- does anyone relate? Every time I read something else or make another discovery about something I have done or about my personality, I just cry, out of relief but also from sadness that it took so many years of feeling horrible before I was able to figure it all out.

Thanks for any input. I wish I could find a support group of some kind in my area. I would love to be able to talk with someone who can relate to this. Julie
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to freeindeed For This Useful Post:
blynch (11-01-08), Song of Mercy (09-25-08)
  #2  
Old 08-11-08, 04:00 PM
amythyst's Avatar
amythyst amythyst is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 205
Thanks: 5
Thanked 13 Times in 10 Posts
amythyst will become famous soon enough
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Just because you finally know what you have doesn't always make it easier to deal with. It definitely helps to have a label on it but that doesn't make the problems and issues associated with it just go away. I'm not sure the grief you speak of ever really goes away and it is pretty normal to feel that way. Coming here is a great start to helping yourself. There are a lot of good people here and a lot of good information. Keep posting

Just wanted to add that yes, I know what you are feeling! I'm still going through that myself and this forum is a huge help when I want to connect with people who know what I am dealing with.

Last edited by amythyst; 08-11-08 at 04:02 PM.. Reason: more to say!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-11-08, 04:07 PM
lostranslation's Avatar
lostranslation lostranslation is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Salem, Oregon
Posts: 449
Thanks: 103
Thanked 212 Times in 128 Posts
lostranslation is a jewel in the roughlostranslation is a jewel in the roughlostranslation is a jewel in the rough
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Yep, me too. I was diagnosed about a year ago. I'm 46 now. It's a relief knowing what the problem is, but I've missed so much...It's sad.
__________________
Going around the block to get next door.

Dx: Alcoholism, ADHD, PTSD & Major
Depression
.

Meds: Ritalin, and Wellbutrin. Med list may change without notice, because I don't notice stuff.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 08-11-08, 04:10 PM
Imnapl's Avatar
Imnapl Imnapl is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,848
Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 13,417
Thanked 3,792 Times in 1,934 Posts
Imnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond reputeImnapl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

I know it took me more than a year after my diagnosis to start to feel comfortable in my own skin again. In time, you'll learn to love being your medicated self.
__________________
Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden.

Phaedrus


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Imnapl For This Useful Post:
MissAdhd (08-17-08)
  #5  
Old 08-11-08, 05:31 PM
Prusilusken's Avatar
Prusilusken Prusilusken is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: May 2008
Location: Roskilde, Denmark
Posts: 835
Thanks: 991
Thanked 466 Times in 280 Posts
Prusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to beholdPrusilusken is a splendid one to behold
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

*Raises hand*
I can definately relate to the grief.
Turning 30, found out about ADHD rather recently and is now waiting to get that official stamp on the butt and start meds. But had my first grieving period after I was hospitalized the first time at 19. First time I was told that I was not just lazy and didn't care enough, but really ill.
Shortly after, grief turned into angst and confusion because they had my dx all wrong back then, but this time I feel I'm ready to go through the whole process, grieving and all.
__________________
~ Lise Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ T.H. Thompson
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Prusilusken For This Useful Post:
Imnapl (08-12-08)
  #6  
Old 08-11-08, 05:58 PM
freeindeed freeindeed is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Red Hook, NY
Posts: 8
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
freeindeed is on a distinguished road
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Thanks for your responses. I am glad to know it is "normal," I was thinking Ishould be ecstatic that I have "figured it out," but I really am sad. I am so thankful that I am only 36, though, and that I have much hope. ALready, my relationship with my husband has improved simply because of this new understanding...it explains soooo much. I sort of wish there were ADD meetings, like AA meetings, ya know? I would love to talk to people who can understand me!! Thanks again, Julie
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to freeindeed For This Useful Post:
Imnapl (08-12-08)
  #7  
Old 08-11-08, 06:54 PM
Michiko74's Avatar
Michiko74 Michiko74 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,418
Thanks: 562
Thanked 1,622 Times in 803 Posts
Michiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond reputeMichiko74 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

I think you'll find this board to be an fantatsic source of support. Dare I say, almost better than any face-to-face support group because it's so darn ADHD friendly! 24/7.. don't have to go anywhere, and the group is available whenever you feel like it.

Being diagnosed is certainly a mixed bag; on the one hand you're happy that your struggles are not the result of your inabilites. But diagnosis doesn't mean you've stopped struggling with it. It's something that you'll have to live with forever Except now you know about it.

There will always be a part of you that is 'damaged' from years and years of self doubt and low self esttem. I'm not sure that can ever be healed. And it certainly doesn't help that there are constant reminders of just how much effort it takes to organize the ADHD mind.

So what can you do? Find a way to take your past and use it towards something good. I think coming here and sharing my experiences has been the best medicine in terms of accepting my ADHD. I get support, but I'm also able to give back the support to others.

I can't get my past back. But if I can spare one person just one less day of grief over their ADHD, somehow I feel a little less pain in my heart.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Michiko74 For This Useful Post:
blynch (11-01-08), kimfar (08-29-08), Retromancer (10-12-08), stef (11-04-08)
  #8  
Old 08-11-08, 07:10 PM
xraylady33's Avatar
xraylady33 xraylady33 is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: WORKVILLE<USA!!!
Posts: 1,312
Blog Entries: 5
Thanks: 1,353
Thanked 933 Times in 455 Posts
xraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud of
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

First and foremost, Welcome.

I too, was recently diagnosed, and am 39 and holding, ha.
The grief you are feeling is not actually grief, it is a realization of your own self and the psyche, you have burried. As emotions will be at their utomost extreme, you need to introduce yourself to you and your new found potential, because my dear it is endless. No matter what the label you choose in life all things are worth striving for and as a mom you know all things are possible. Instead of grieving lost time, embrace each day, as time is the one constant in your life. It is dependable, it revolves in a circle and it starts fresh each day.

As a woman, you were forced to hide, and tried not to show the emotional side of irratability, because this to you was weakness..but you are not weak. you are a woman, and if you are comparing yourself to the "SUPER MOM", well trust me..all that glitters is not gold, and none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. you see they are the ones abusing the meds you are taking just to deal with their super schedules..so you stand tall, and embrace the new you...

The new you is beautiful, and strong, and you will find you are more in touch with yourself, and others, as there is no reason to hide.

Best of luck..with the new found you..and remember..sad moments are always followed by the smile of a child who says "I love you" without uttering a word.
__________________
We do what we HAVE to do...So, we can do what we WANT to do!

Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to xraylady33 For This Useful Post:
mctavish23 (08-16-08), tazoz (08-11-08)
  #9  
Old 08-11-08, 09:12 PM
mctavish23 mctavish23 is offline
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 6,111
Thanks: 14,088
Thanked 10,317 Times in 3,245 Posts
mctavish23 has disabled reputation
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Grief is a normal process of an ADHD diagnosis.

However, once you start to realize ( and then see for yourself) how a diagnosis opens doors to your true abilities,

It rapidly becomes a process where grief turns to relief.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to mctavish23 For This Useful Post:
20trackedmind (08-17-08), curseandablessi (08-17-08), Imnapl (08-12-08), Prusilusken (08-12-08), strange&unusual (08-11-08), xraylady33 (08-12-08)
  #10  
Old 08-11-08, 09:56 PM
Louder Than Love's Avatar
Louder Than Love Louder Than Love is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 1,024
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks: 298
Thanked 418 Times in 285 Posts
Louder Than Love is a jewel in the roughLouder Than Love is a jewel in the roughLouder Than Love is a jewel in the rough
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Grief, Guilt?
One in the same?

Undiagnosed ADD caused what little family i do have and myself a LOT of problems.

I was quite reckless as a youngster, found drugs at a pretty young age, and realized,... HEY!

this thing that speeds up my heart, also kinda makes me gather my thoughts...
just not enough to push for a psychiatrist.


For the most part, I was just a 'troubled' kid that didnt want to go to school, excelled when I did, yet refused to obey, and homework was simply OUT of the question.

The 'right' way... just, never made any sense.
Surely there was some way to circumvent this 'right' way these fools talk about!

Drugs. of course.
If I can't win, then I can sedate myself and wrap up in the warmth of apathy.

thats when the real trouble started.
DUI's.
Nearly getting kicked from UT Martin ( for some reason, I LOVED college)
Prescription forgery ( i narrowly escaped that by court error )

Didnt get kicked out of School,.. but stopped going 3 years shy of a Masters Degree in Cognitive/Consciousness Psychology.


Yeah, it's been a bit rough.
grief .... TONS.


Thanks for sharing, and...

Welcome to the forums.


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Louder Than Love For This Useful Post:
curseandablessi (08-17-08), xraylady33 (08-12-08)
  #11  
Old 08-12-08, 08:13 AM
xraylady33's Avatar
xraylady33 xraylady33 is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: WORKVILLE<USA!!!
Posts: 1,312
Blog Entries: 5
Thanks: 1,353
Thanked 933 Times in 455 Posts
xraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud ofxraylady33 has much to be proud of
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mindspin View Post
Grief, Guilt?

One in the same?

Undiagnosed ADD caused what little family i do have and myself a LOT of problems.

I was quite reckless as a youngster, found drugs at a pretty young age, and realized,... HEY!

this thing that speeds up my heart, also kinda makes me gather my thoughts...
just not enough to push for a psychiatrist.


For the most part, I was just a 'troubled' kid that didnt want to go to school, excelled when I did, yet refused to obey, and homework was simply OUT of the question.

The 'right' way... just, never made any sense.
Surely there was some way to circumvent this 'right' way these fools talk about!

Drugs. of course.
If I can't win, then I can sedate myself and wrap up in the warmth of apathy.

thats when the real trouble started.
DUI's.
Nearly getting kicked from UT Martin ( for some reason, I LOVED college)
Prescription forgery ( i narrowly escaped that by court error )

Didnt get kicked out of School,.. but stopped going 3 years shy of a Masters Degree in Cognitive/Consciousness Psychology.


Yeah, it's been a bit rough.
grief .... TONS.


Thanks for sharing, and...

Welcome to the forums.
The simple fact that you can visualize and FEEL the past, as well as the future, puts you one step ahead.
Life often offers challenges that even the brightest and skilled humans cannot handle, you obviously have the gift of knowledge, and should consider sharing this story, as in my eyes..it is profound.
Grief is heart wrenching, painful, and usually life altering, but in the right state of mind it can be dealt with..never easy, but none the less..tolerable.
__________________
We do what we HAVE to do...So, we can do what we WANT to do!


Last edited by meadd823; 11-05-08 at 01:07 AM.. Reason: HTML corrections
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-14-08, 12:56 AM
lizbeth lizbeth is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: san diego california
Posts: 37
Thanks: 3
Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts
lizbeth will become famous soon enough
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

I feel for you right now, when I was diagnosed 20 years ago, I am now 33 I really did not pay much heed to it. Then the older i got i saw I was different i knew it. I did not realize it was the ADHD. I am a mother to a wonderful 11 year old boy who has complex Tourette's since age 2 and also bipolar, and ADHD. i manage all of his stuff perfectly and my 15 month old daughter, but I never feel quite together, and I cry, i wonder why everything is a struggle, why I can't just do things the way other people do, it makes me feel like I am stupid. There is someone inside me saying please listen, please try to understand. I am learning to cope with it and i take anxiety and depression meds. Sometimes i think "crap I woke up today and i still have ADHD," it won't go away, but I do realize i hate it so much so I am trying to discover and practice how to live with it and try to be at times at peace with it. all my good thoughts and this forum is a God send
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lizbeth For This Useful Post:
mctavish23 (08-14-08), Prusilusken (08-16-08)
  #13  
Old 08-17-08, 12:06 PM
amiegrace amiegrace is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: north carolina
Posts: 742
Thanks: 42
Thanked 587 Times in 241 Posts
amiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud ofamiegrace has much to be proud of
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

FREEINDEED!

I also went through a period of grief when I was diagnosed, and I still go through cycles of it. There's a painful, "what I could have been" feeling that comes and goes with me. I'm 35 and I feel like I could have done "more."

I am also a special ed. teacher and the thought of doing that and raising 4 kids and being married -- you are awesome! Give yourself credit because you're doing things that people without ADD would be run over by. I have one child and sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out just trying to keep up with her. And the demands of teaching special ed. can simply not be imagined by someone who's not doing it.

It will get better but it's important to acknowledge your sadness over what you feel you have lost.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-17-08, 12:11 PM
20trackedmind's Avatar
20trackedmind 20trackedmind is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 459
Thanks: 252
Thanked 196 Times in 133 Posts
20trackedmind is a glorious beacon of light20trackedmind is a glorious beacon of light20trackedmind is a glorious beacon of light20trackedmind is a glorious beacon of light20trackedmind is a glorious beacon of light
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

Wife and mother of 2 here, also a sp ed teacher and not diagnosed until 35, your story sounds very familiar and I to went through a greiving period where I looked back and said if only that and that, then I was mad because no one ever called it adhd, just told me I was lazy, now I am at the point that I am just dealing with it and just focusing on making it a better situation for my kids, one of which also has adhd.

What you are feeling is totally normal.
__________________

Follow this to the ADD Forums Get Fit Club:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...682#post627682
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-17-08, 06:30 PM
curseandablessi's Avatar
curseandablessi curseandablessi is offline
Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: summerville, south carolina
Posts: 998
Thanks: 474
Thanked 356 Times in 250 Posts
curseandablessi is a jewel in the roughcurseandablessi is a jewel in the roughcurseandablessi is a jewel in the rough
Re: ADHD Grief - anyone else?

oh yes, grief, relief, happy, regret, fear all at once. I think I've had them all to some degree. I've now gotten so busy trying to make the next 40 years great, I've lost a good bit of it.

The ADD explains a lot of my choices and why I did them, and I grieved over what might have been had I been diagnosed sooner. I think it's a normal part of the process, and that's okay as long as I didn't dwell on it for long periods of time and allow it to depress me. Since I've been diagnosed with dysthymic and cyclothymic tendencies in addition to the ADD, that isn't somewhere I wanted to go.
__________________
UHOH!! What have I done now!!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Incontinence and ADHD Mercury General ADD Talk 24 10-30-16 03:38 AM
Finding Peace & Respect when one is ADHD and the other isn't livinginchaos Non-ADD Partner Support 2 09-30-08 12:01 AM
Optimizing Treatment of ADHD from Adolescence Through Adulthood: An Expert Interview Scattered ADD News 3 10-01-06 12:26 PM
Adderall & Valproate for Bi-polar ADHD Children - Abstract from a recent study Gregster ADD News 0 12-30-04 01:07 PM
guidelines for successfully parenting adhd children gabriela General Parenting Issues 1 08-15-04 10:49 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums