ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Careers/Job Impact
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Careers/Job Impact This forum is for adults to discuss how AD/HD affects work and career.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-01-11, 12:58 AM
dinkot dinkot is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 7
Thanks: 59
Thanked 12 Times in 3 Posts
dinkot will become famous soon enough
Unhappy feeling like a total failure in this real world..

it's really today that I've felt like a real total mess..
it seems like I am the usual/typical of "too many ideas but very lacking action/focus/grunt-work discipline & following through the ideas in reality" , which is perhaps a very common ADD/ADHD-related traits?
also coupled with my feeling very deeply emotionally (even to the world & the planet!) that it even 'backfired' overwhelming me to the point where I just feel so tired and can't do anything all of sudden, feeling so helpless..
tripled by my constant "head in the clouds" and all these imaginations that won't ever exist in this so-called 'real world',
thus I feel like a complete total failure now...

The worst part though is when at current of 29 yrs old now, I am really still a nothing when compared (or especially when my 'traditional' parents/family comparing me) to my multitudes of other more "normal" friends or people or society generally. especially when all they highlight/focus is always how I'm such a total failure that still "don't produce ANYTHING (especially when 'worth' is measured in the MONEY and/or STATUS)" for my current age. Unfortunately, being a very emotional & sensitive person I am, my parents' constant utter disappointment only made me feel even more worthless and depressed,..like I will definitely be a total failure,..despite all people's praises of my talents (especially musically), wits, imaginations, 'out-of-box' perspectives, and 'wisdom'...it's all seem to be useless in this 'practical' society..

I just....don't know what to do...to get out from this 'stuck rut' that unfortunately just goes deeper and deeper along with time, and drowning me slowly
please help.
Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to dinkot For This Useful Post:
arbuckle (11-02-11), bree (11-02-11), jAoDhDn (06-22-13), navyblue (11-23-11), QueensU_girl (11-15-11), Spacemaster (11-01-11), TigerZ (01-23-12), Unmanagable (11-01-11), yellowflowers (06-23-13), yukata (07-22-13)
  #2  
Old 11-01-11, 01:06 AM
pechemignonne's Avatar
pechemignonne pechemignonne is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: La Belle Province
Posts: 3,045
Thanks: 4,401
Thanked 4,317 Times in 1,871 Posts
pechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Yep, you have ADHD...

But seriously, this is really hard for all of us. You're right, it's textbook to feel like you are way, way behind the eight ball. It's ADHD-normal to look at other people and wonder why everything seems so much easier for them.

On the plus side, ADHD is highly treatable, and the people on these forums feel your pain.

At some point, you just kind of give up trying to live up to other people's expectations and trying to get the same level of "success" by the same measures as NTs.

You start to appreciate that it really doesn't matter what you have to show for your years on this earth in terms of money or status or prestige. There are more important things. You realize that you are the only one who knows how hard you try and how difficult things are for you, and you are the only one who can define your accomplishments.

Or so I hear, anyway...

Trying-to-be-subtle-question- have you looked into whether you have depression as well as ADHD, or is this just a temporary funk?
__________________
"I know I talk too much, but I am really trying to overcome it, and although I say far too much, yet if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit for it!"
Anne of Green Gables, by L. M. Montgomery

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. Ducks love bread, but they can't buy any. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever."
Mitch Hedberg

"You would be the world's worst ninja."
Pechemignonne's boyfriend
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to pechemignonne For This Useful Post:
dinkot (11-01-11), jAoDhDn (06-22-13), Spacemaster (11-01-11)
  #3  
Old 11-01-11, 01:29 AM
VelvetTiger's Avatar
VelvetTiger VelvetTiger is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Between Locations and Very Anxious
Posts: 133
Blog Entries: 5
Thanks: 155
Thanked 185 Times in 84 Posts
VelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of light
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

I think society is sick, not you. Whoever originally came up with brilliant the idea to measure a human being's value by their $$$, or their title or whatever is the biggest clown in the world. In fact, I was just browsing a men's magazine the other day, and I read a really strange article. The premise of it was, essentially, "Guys, look at the titles on your business cards. That is who you ARE. That is your ENTIRE IDENTITY." Um, no. Worse, that was followed by nonsense about how if the title wasn't "good enough," "good" being totally subjective of course, guys wouldn't get "good" women or "enough respect." (I could prove this SO wrong with about a million examples, but ok...)

These are media-fueled, corporation-created lies, which tons of people, NT and not, buy into. And this kind of thinking is why America is in the financial crisis it's in. No matter where you live, you can at least take comfort in the fact that lots of other people agree with you that this mindset is seriously strange. For me, trying to surround myself with more people who appreciate me for me, and not for my bank account balance or my "status" helps a lot, too. It's hard, because they're comparatively rare, but we are out there. Do you have any close friends or other family members who appreciate you for the gifts you bring to the table, or your personality, or sense of humor, etc.? Is it possible to spend more time with them and/or distance yourself a little more from the naysayers?
Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to VelvetTiger For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-01-11), jAoDhDn (06-22-13), markadd (11-14-11), navyblue (11-23-11), pechemignonne (11-01-11), Spacemaster (11-01-11), stef (11-01-11), TygerSan (11-02-11), Unmanagable (11-01-11), xav (07-11-13)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 11-01-11, 01:16 PM
stef's Avatar
stef stef is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: west of Paris
Posts: 18,578
Thanks: 38,183
Thanked 27,491 Times in 13,309 Posts
stef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

wait - so, someone (family?!) has actually SAID to you in these terms, that you don't "produce" anything ?????

This is wrong. the only thing I want for my son, is for him to be happy.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to stef For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-01-11), Luvmybully (11-02-11), pechemignonne (11-01-11)
  #5  
Old 11-01-11, 01:25 PM
Spacemaster's Avatar
Spacemaster Spacemaster is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 2,141
Thanks: 5,885
Thanked 3,651 Times in 1,494 Posts
Spacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond reputeSpacemaster has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Hang in there! Minus the family being hard on you, this could very well be my post. I always feel like I've never grown up and joined the real world.

You'll find your niche, and in the meantime, try not to pay attention to those who would put you down. As long as you know that status and money isn't everything, that's all that matters. Easier said than done, I know this.

For me, it helps just knowing that there are tons of people out there just like us, going through the very same thing.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Spacemaster For This Useful Post:
dinkot (11-01-11), jAoDhDn (06-22-13), navyblue (11-23-11), Unmanagable (11-02-11)
  #6  
Old 11-02-11, 06:19 AM
arbuckle arbuckle is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: UK, London (anyone fancy to meet?)
Posts: 21
Thanks: 4
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
arbuckle is on a distinguished road
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Been there, felt that. Thinking like this serves no good. Take one day at a time. What really helps is to be connected with other people. Do find them. Go to some interest group, do something you are good, or not that bad at with others. I use http://www.meetup.com for that purpose. And keep us posted!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-02-11, 06:39 AM
Abi Abi is offline
Registered
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Underworld
Posts: 16,425
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks: 14,234
Thanked 17,760 Times in 8,903 Posts
Abi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

"This real world" is wayyyyyyyyyyy over-rated
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Abi For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-05-11), finallyfound10 (11-13-11), Unmanagable (11-02-11)
  #8  
Old 11-02-11, 07:28 AM
sarek's Avatar
sarek sarek is offline
Moderator of mind and heart
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New Hobbiton, NH, the Netherlands
Posts: 12,019
Thanks: 8,724
Thanked 21,303 Times in 8,615 Posts
sarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

I know where you are coming from dinkot. I have done my own time in that semi self imposed hell. The first thing you need to stop doing is comparing yourself to others.
You do not know what they are in this world for, and you probably do not know either what you are here for. Your path in life is different from theirs and it is up to you to figure out the reason.

And what is 'producing' anyway? Producing plastics, or smart phones or numbers in a ledger? How does that kind of work make us more human? We need to do it to survive in a world based on it but in order to be ourselves we need a lot more. Our identities are indeed much bigger than our business cards.

And yes, the world is sick. The world is thoroughly profoundly sick in such a fundamental way that just about everything we are learning from our environment about living is wrong.
We are cursed and blessed with the ability to see that, and I feel that also gives us the responsibility to figure out what to do about it.

A much better world is possible. But its a slow process and it needs a lot of effort from many people, most of whom in their lifetime will be misunderstood and scorned.
__________________
May you be blessed.
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to sarek For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-05-11), LeoJ (12-03-11), navyblue (11-23-11), stef (11-02-11), TygerSan (11-02-11), VelvetTiger (11-02-11)
  #9  
Old 11-02-11, 02:57 PM
pechemignonne's Avatar
pechemignonne pechemignonne is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: La Belle Province
Posts: 3,045
Thanks: 4,401
Thanked 4,317 Times in 1,871 Posts
pechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond reputepechemignonne has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi View Post
"This real world" is wayyyyyyyyyyy over-rated
Wait, what, there's an alternative? Cause I keep asking for the Mother Ship to take me away, and it's getting me nowhere....
__________________
"I know I talk too much, but I am really trying to overcome it, and although I say far too much, yet if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit for it!"
Anne of Green Gables, by L. M. Montgomery

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. Ducks love bread, but they can't buy any. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever."
Mitch Hedberg

"You would be the world's worst ninja."
Pechemignonne's boyfriend
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to pechemignonne For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-05-11), finallyfound10 (11-13-11)
  #10  
Old 11-02-11, 04:38 PM
kilted_scotsman kilted_scotsman is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4,033
Thanks: 91
Thanked 6,054 Times in 2,509 Posts
kilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

The OP contains the insight...

It is less about ADD and more about the parental bludgeoning and destruction of self esteem.

That means it probably runs pretty deep.

The way I improved my self esteem was through a good Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, then living in a spirital community for a bit.... there i picked up new friends who valued me.

It's been a 4 year struggle but I'm getting places... each step seems small but together they are significant.

kilted
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kilted_scotsman For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), arbuckle (11-03-11), dinkot (11-05-11), LeoJ (12-03-11)
  #11  
Old 11-02-11, 08:48 PM
VelvetTiger's Avatar
VelvetTiger VelvetTiger is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Between Locations and Very Anxious
Posts: 133
Blog Entries: 5
Thanks: 155
Thanked 185 Times in 84 Posts
VelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of lightVelvetTiger is a glorious beacon of light
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek View Post
And what is 'producing' anyway? Producing plastics, or smart phones or numbers in a ledger? How does that kind of work make us more human? We need to do it to survive in a world based on it but in order to be ourselves we need a lot more. Our identities are indeed much bigger than our business cards.
When you consider that a lot of our production has the ultimate effect of condemning people in third-world countries to wretched working conditions, luring people into deep debt to afford the latest whatever, lining the pockets of the top 1% so they have more lobbying power to take away our rights, and polluting the environment with teratogens and toxins, I think we could argue that production is VERY detrimental. Of course, if too many people find out the truth, they'll revolt, and the people in power don't want that. To them, a "happy" society is one where its citizens are kept exhausted by soul-sucking jobs, manipulated by advertising and junk television, and hypnotized by empty calories and "must-have" gadgets and toys.

Artistic and creative pursuits, though, don't hypnotize and sedate, but they don't destroy society and humanity, either. They have a net positive effect, but most societies don't place as much value on them, unless we're talking about a rich, famous celebrity. Whatever – they're wrong! That's why so many people are fighting to show that creativity is more valuable to humanity than the production-consumption cycle.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to VelvetTiger For This Useful Post:
dinkot (11-05-11), Ravenstar (02-27-12), sarek (11-14-11)
  #12  
Old 11-14-11, 03:07 PM
engin33rgurl engin33rgurl is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Denver
Posts: 38
Thanks: 10
Thanked 18 Times in 11 Posts
engin33rgurl is on a distinguished road
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

"The worst part though is when at current of 29 yrs old now, I am really still a nothing when compared (or especially when my 'traditional' parents/family comparing me) to my multitudes of other more "normal" friends or people or society generally."

Look, every person in the world is unique and has his/her own strengths and weaknesses. Don't compare yourself to others. (I know, it's hard not to do, but just try not to best as you can.)

Second, there IS a place for you somewhere. I am currently trying out volunteer work to see what I am interested in and enjoying it. Maybe look around and ask yourself "what would be fun to do if nobody at all was judging me" and then try that out (as long as it is legal and positive.) Be very creative in trying to get to know what you like and where you fit in and you'll figure it all out!!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to engin33rgurl For This Useful Post:
dinkot (11-15-11)
  #13  
Old 11-14-11, 03:14 PM
sarek's Avatar
sarek sarek is offline
Moderator of mind and heart
 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New Hobbiton, NH, the Netherlands
Posts: 12,019
Thanks: 8,724
Thanked 21,303 Times in 8,615 Posts
sarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond reputesarek has a reputation beyond repute
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Again I want to emphasize that I played the comparing game as enthusiastically as you do, Dinkot.
And its a quick one way ticket to a serious existential depression.

It takes time to rid yourself of that slavery and begin to think of yourself as you and only you. But I know that at some point you will find the way to do that.
__________________
May you be blessed.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sarek For This Useful Post:
ADD me (07-15-13), dinkot (11-15-11)
  #14  
Old 11-14-11, 08:05 PM
cillianred cillianred is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 226
Thanks: 39
Thanked 90 Times in 69 Posts
cillianred is a jewel in the roughcillianred is a jewel in the roughcillianred is a jewel in the rough
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Quote:
Originally Posted by pechemignonne View Post
At some point, you just kind of give up trying to live up to other people's expectations and trying to get the same level of "success" by the same measures as NTs.

You start to appreciate that it really doesn't matter what you have to show for your years on this earth in terms of money or status or prestige. There are more important things. You realize that you are the only one who knows how hard you try and how difficult things are for you, and you are the only one who can define your accomplishments.

Or so I hear, anyway...
Exactly. Plus, as soon as (or if) you start treatment you'll realize that NT's are pretty nuts at work. I've always enjoyed the "real world" more so than an "academic" environment, but it's still not without its many flaws.

Stress, communication overload (emails, ringing phones, etc.) and understaffed workplaces have basically blessed all our NT friends with temporary ADHD. I do my best to address their demands to the extent I can but I've often asked myself why I'm the one taking medication.

The best thing to do is find an environment in which you thrive. And it doesn't have to be at the workplace. For instance, I hit lead-off and play right field for my softball team and even in the off-season, I still find it to be a great outlet as I train for this coming spring and interact with my teammates.

Don't worry, you'll pull through. Best of luck!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to cillianred For This Useful Post:
pechemignonne (11-14-11)
  #15  
Old 11-15-11, 01:27 PM
dinkot dinkot is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 7
Thanks: 59
Thanked 12 Times in 3 Posts
dinkot will become famous soon enough
Re: feeling like a total failure in this real world..

Quote:
Originally Posted by cillianred View Post
Exactly. Plus, as soon as (or if) you start treatment you'll realize that NT's are pretty nuts at work. I've always enjoyed the "real world" more so than an "academic" environment, but it's still not without its many flaws.

Stress, communication overload (emails, ringing phones, etc.) and understaffed workplaces have basically blessed all our NT friends with temporary ADHD. I do my best to address their demands to the extent I can but I've often asked myself why I'm the one taking medication.

The best thing to do is find an environment in which you thrive. And it doesn't have to be at the workplace. For instance, I hit lead-off and play right field for my softball team and even in the off-season, I still find it to be a great outlet as I train for this coming spring and interact with my teammates.

Don't worry, you'll pull through. Best of luck!
@cillianred: does this mean you still have your day job, but also doing the softball thing on the side/free time? or do you mean doing the softball thing as sort of your full-time job?
the question is: should I try to find a job that I love doing for full-time,
or is it okay to just do it as a a side-job? for example: being a music/musician. I can't tell how many times my 'practical, traditional' parents have told me that it's just impossible and doesn't bring any money, and not practical, so stop dreaming, etc etc..

thanks a lot everyone for your comments
they all really means a lot for me!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Compulsiveness and feeling of dread StephenP Vyvanse 3 10-19-16 02:43 AM
the feeling that you get when your working on an activity or having fun or anything Caliberzzz General ADD Talk 9 05-15-10 08:26 PM
how long did it take to find the meds that worked for you? just feeling frustrated mollycase Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 8 05-11-10 12:50 PM
Feeling hated SubtleMuttle Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD 21 02-16-05 10:37 PM
ADDult REALLY needs some guidance.... (feeling self conscious) streetsk8er794 General ADD Talk 8 08-16-04 05:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:25 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums