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Old 02-05-14, 01:11 AM
TonyTheShark TonyTheShark is offline
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Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

A little back story - Back in my early college days I began experimenting with Aderral. for about 2 years I was taking roughly 15-30 mg/week. Since then I totally quit. It wasn't prescribed, I was getting them illegaly.

About a year into the my adderal addiction, I developed a mood disorder that seems to be bipolar mood disorder. One week I would spend manic, feeling grandiose and almost genius, the next I would spend depressed and dull.

Even though I've quit about 2 years ago, I would indulge in weed and alcohol, and the Mood swings remained just as before, maybe a little less intense to be totally honest, but not diminishing over time. I attributed the mood disorder to the weed and alcohol carrying on the legacy of the aderall.

I quit weed a year ago, and 2 months ago had my last drink... the mood disorder is still here.

I spend anywhere between 5-10 running around feeling supernatural, then roughly the same amount of time being the most humble and shy guy around. It really is driving me insane, I thought it would stop but it hasn't.

I don't even remember what I used to be like in my pre-college days.

It sounds like I have rapid cycling Bipolar disorder. I've had periods where I haven't slept in 5 days (I'd toss and turn all night, i tried to sleep). It was only ever during my "manic" episodes.

I do not want to see a psychiatrist... I don't think I'm a danger to myself (from self-harm or just ending up hospitalized somehow) and I know I'd be prescribed some cocktail of meds. At the moment I don't have health insurance, but more importantly I want to see if just giving my brain time to recoup it's natural chemical bath will happen.

Has anyone experienced exactly these symptoms?

I go to the gym 5 days a week and am very sporty and do well in school, so I do keep myself occupied.

Thanks guys, glad to have some people that'd listen.
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Old 02-05-14, 01:30 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

Do I experience rapid cycling bipolar? Yes

Is it EXACTLY like yours? No, but no two people's are.

How do I cope? I don't. I also drink like a fish and smoke weed occasionally.

Welcome to the forums/club.

PS. I am prescribed Depakote (mood stabiliser), Haldol (antipsych, I only use ot occasionally when very moody), Klonopin & Nitrazepam (sedatives) and Wellbutrin & Celexa (antidepressants).
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Old 02-05-14, 05:44 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

I cant stress enough how important treating bipolar is. Even with meds I still cycle but it would be a hell of alot worse without them. I believe that bipolar can be sort of progressive. Like untreated, the cycles can be worse or last longer. The depression can be unbearable. Meds help control those cycles for me. I seriously think you should consider medical intervention for your bipolar. I really believe for me, I would not be alive without them. I have been hospitalized 3 times, the last one being 10 years ago, and that was when I started meds. I havent been hospitalized since then.
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Old 02-06-14, 02:00 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

OMG how do you still manage to go to school? I'm rapid cycling too. I been on 3 medications that slowly led to my full development of bipolar disorder. I don't think I'm as severe as most people too. I don't need to be hospitalized. I'm kind of scared of taking illicit drugs. My last Ritalin experience wasn't good. First day of 2014, completely manic and continuing to destroy my life by the hour.

I haven't had a drink in almost 3 months. I know that it makes me mixed, or triggers depression or even another manic episode. I'm having those already so alcohol will probably just make it worse. I must be the only Australian who is afraid of drinking alcohol. OK, maybe not but this culture has social drinking wired into it.

I've started to hate the medical profession. They just haven't listened to me and rushed to medicate me and basically my life was destroyed because of it. Personally for me, I think I'm irreparable. That's why I said the thing about school. I wouldn't be able to last a day in school. I want to work but my moods just swing around. When I was manic for 12 days (my longest episode) I felt like I could but then as I was about to go out and experience more of life depression hit and that was all over. Although it didn't last for long. I think the longer your episodes last the more you begin to lose control of yourself - you can't get in control of your symptoms - yet the faster the cycling the more you lose control of your mind.; your thoughts jump all over the place and it's hard to know what you truly feel or believe in.

I don't seem to stay up for nights. I can stay up way late when manic but I don't usually repeat it the next night. When I was a teenager I would stay on online chat rooms til 7am. I can't do that anymore. Anyway, I value a good night's sleep so most times I just struggle to sleep but I think I nod off eventually.

How depressed do you get? Do you start thinking of suicide? Considering it? I think that's when you know you need help. Even if your brain can be restored to its natural state the issue is whether it will happen before those thoughts become unbearable. I struggle through those thoughts but I have these super exhausting coping mechanisms to deal with them.

I've tried to get help but no doctor seems to have a clue and sometimes I don't want help, so I just think I need someone to drag me to the next psychiatrist kicking and screaming. I don't like giving it too much thought to be honest.

You've probably been off ADHD meds and weed longer than I have, so I guess I can't really say if it will wear off or not.
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Old 02-07-14, 12:49 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fracturedstory View Post
OMG how do you still manage to go to school? I'm rapid cycling too. I been on 3 medications that slowly led to my full development of bipolar disorder. I don't think I'm as severe as most people too. I don't need to be hospitalized. I'm kind of scared of taking illicit drugs. My last Ritalin experience wasn't good. First day of 2014, completely manic and continuing to destroy my life by the hour.

I haven't had a drink in almost 3 months. I know that it makes me mixed, or triggers depression or even another manic episode. I'm having those already so alcohol will probably just make it worse. I must be the only Australian who is afraid of drinking alcohol. OK, maybe not but this culture has social drinking wired into it.

I've started to hate the medical profession. They just haven't listened to me and rushed to medicate me and basically my life was destroyed because of it. Personally for me, I think I'm irreparable. That's why I said the thing about school. I wouldn't be able to last a day in school. I want to work but my moods just swing around. When I was manic for 12 days (my longest episode) I felt like I could but then as I was about to go out and experience more of life depression hit and that was all over. Although it didn't last for long. I think the longer your episodes last the more you begin to lose control of yourself - you can't get in control of your symptoms - yet the faster the cycling the more you lose control of your mind.; your thoughts jump all over the place and it's hard to know what you truly feel or believe in.

I don't seem to stay up for nights. I can stay up way late when manic but I don't usually repeat it the next night. When I was a teenager I would stay on online chat rooms til 7am. I can't do that anymore. Anyway, I value a good night's sleep so most times I just struggle to sleep but I think I nod off eventually.

How depressed do you get? Do you start thinking of suicide? Considering it? I think that's when you know you need help. Even if your brain can be restored to its natural state the issue is whether it will happen before those thoughts become unbearable. I struggle through those thoughts but I have these super exhausting coping mechanisms to deal with them.

I've tried to get help but no doctor seems to have a clue and sometimes I don't want help, so I just think I need someone to drag me to the next psychiatrist kicking and screaming. I don't like giving it too much thought to be honest.

You've probably been off ADHD meds and weed longer than I have, so I guess I can't really say if it will wear off or not.
Really sounds like you get what I'm going through. You've hit a few key words about how I feel sometimes.

Things is I've been off of any substances that might directly effect my mood and brain neurotransmitters immediately, including alcohol, for not even a full two months yet. I'm going to let the cycles take their course, I'll try my best to manage them for a bit, and I think maybe in 6 months or so I'll see a psychiatrist if there is still no progress.

It's really weird and sometimes easy for me to forget about my disorder when I'm feeling good (manic? hypomanic? I really hate those terms for the connotations they bring me) so at times its OK.

I'm actually trying to go to Medical school and have many years ahead, so I'm afraid of jumping to medications for myself, since how am i to allow myself to be in charge of peoples lives if I can't even get ahold of mine on my own?

I've thought of suicide for sure. I've thought about how the people around me would feel and how many people would show up to my funeral and how people would miss me. Weird, F*d up thoughts i wish I would not give a moment of my thoughts to, but yea, they happen. I haven't seriously considered it though. There are people around me that look up to me and have their hopes for the future kind of relying on my future, like my mom's, so I can't just give up.

This disorder is really weird and the symptoms keep changing up on me. I used to never get irritated of people, especially those around me, and would always kind of mind my own business, whether I was feeling manic or depressive. But now when I'm manic I sit there and silently judge people, and get really annoyed and irritated by things they do. Sometimes I can be in really high spirits one hour, laughing to myself about little inside jokes me and my cousin text about, and next hour I feel like everyones betrayed me and get so fed up of everyones ****.

It's weird. I'm kind of glad I found this forum though. I thought I might be the only one going through this. Sounds like you are experiencing something very similar to what I am. I'm going to go as long as I can without meds and without taking any illicit substances WHICH I DO NOT RECOMMEND AT ALL, from personal experience, feel free to check up on me and I'll give you a progress update. Since we can relate, maybe, hopefully, if i'll be getting better, I can suggest some better coping strategies and pass on some hope. Feel free to share whatever strategies you have as well.
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Old 02-07-14, 12:52 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi View Post
Do I experience rapid cycling bipolar? Yes

Is it EXACTLY like yours? No, but no two people's are.

How do I cope? I don't. I also drink like a fish and smoke weed occasionally.

Welcome to the forums/club.

PS. I am prescribed Depakote (mood stabiliser), Haldol (antipsych, I only use ot occasionally when very moody), Klonopin & Nitrazepam (sedatives) and Wellbutrin & Celexa (antidepressants).
LOL at your straightforward responses. Thank you for the welcome. If I'm ever recommended to take any of those I will check with you first!
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Old 02-07-14, 12:54 AM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I cant stress enough how important treating bipolar is. Even with meds I still cycle but it would be a hell of alot worse without them. I believe that bipolar can be sort of progressive. Like untreated, the cycles can be worse or last longer. The depression can be unbearable. Meds help control those cycles for me. I seriously think you should consider medical intervention for your bipolar. I really believe for me, I would not be alive without them. I have been hospitalized 3 times, the last one being 10 years ago, and that was when I started meds. I havent been hospitalized since then.
I've also read some where that untreated Bipolar disorder can lead to brain damage and a reduced rate of neuron connections being formed. I'm not ruling out medically treating my condition, but I haven't completely ruled out that I can get better with time. So far I haven't even come close to hospitalization, so I think I can afford the luxury of giving it some time.
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Old 02-07-14, 10:12 PM
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Re: Anyone experience what I am (Rapid cycling).. How'd you cope?

Here's one coping mechanism I have come up with:

*about to write a scathing reply to something that was said that made my whole brain erupt in flames, my reply is 3000 words long, I stop and consider 'this might get me in some real deep sh** and that will just make me feel worse.' I hit delete and get away from my computer as though it's a kid at school with a bad reputation.

I distract myself a lot from my thoughts. If it feels like I'm about to break over what I'm doing now I change my environment around.
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