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Old 04-19-09, 10:19 AM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Smile ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

I am about 30 years old.

I have suffered from ADD since I was born (not hyperactive). I did always get good grades and was a quite student, all the way through college, so it did not raise major concerns.

I am a single child, and while I always did have friends and had good relations with my cousins, I was never apart from society.

I did have some trouble in bonding with people besides just fun. Especially girls.

Depressions were frequent despite me (and everyone else) not having a clue what that was. People just thought I was a bit of lonely guy and lazy sometimes. Yet I was accepted overall in society, due to my good education and studies.

All changed at my 3rd year in college. I was very very shy until I discovered alcohol. I instantly became a cool guy and funny when we went out and expanded my network of friends (and I mean real friends) instantly, which are still existent. I managed to get a girlfriend (almost always dated fit women and easily managed to get their attention) and depressions still had its turn, but now interleaved with very high mood periods.

I moved out to another part of the country, college bound, and went to live with some friends in a flat. Problems exploded. I entered a continuous depression of months and for the first time went to a "shrink" and also a psychologist. Anti-depressant prescription and a blame of a move from a ultra-protective home made it an "easy diagnostic". Today I consider those doctors not only incompetent by also dishonest.

As soon as college grades started levelling, I did improve a lot. Still had major depressions in holidays (Christmas) were I would lie in a couch at home for days, while my parents really got mad (they never understood the problem, even nowadays).

Partying and alcohol were still a major positive fact for a happy life. I can honestly say that alcohol was the best thing I tried. I got tremendous social skills (which I make money from today) from booze. I became capable of funny social interaction, of girl flirting talk, and also could make for a good source of opinion to friends.

Again depressions still kept coming and when they came I hid in my room until they went away. I avoided all contact when I felt bad, and actively did seek socializing when feeling well. So, from the outside, I looked very cool. All went bad when I had to meet the same people all the time (at home).

At school/college my grades were always a little below my capabilities. I had a bad time in memorizing stuff (tough I can relate to dates and fact from many years ago, and I have sports stats in my head), and lacked concentration in exams.

Living abroad was major test. I grew up as person but had a continuous semi-depressive state. I had to go to a doctor, and got on Zoloft.

I moved to live alone and got much more stable, and my career jump-started. Because I could hide when needed. Then I met my (actual) wife. We dated for 3 years until we got married, and moved in together. Then things went down the drain. I started to feel depressed all the time, lost focus in everything, had a total breakdown in energy and bad though were continuous.

I was doing Cypralex (antidep) and Lamictal (stabilizer) and it completely stopped working.

Total despair and panic became daily. Going to the doctor became monthly and I (and my wife) started even calling him. I once sent a text message to the doctor's receptionist mobile threatening suicide.

The doc got really nervous and we tried loads of bad stuff. Effexor, Risperidon and other stuff that "killed" me. Sometimes I could almost not walk due to depression. It was a nightmare and even work started to suffer in a big way. I could not eat, sleep, or stop crying. I even cried at my desk at work, but I am a master of the art in disguising this stuff. I had a girlfriend who was psychologist and she did not even noticed it.LOL.

Then I was in a European airport where I lost the opportunity to get an earlier flight, and I had to sit for hours. So I hooked on the web via wifi. Then I though:

"I loose focus because I'm depressed. What if it is the other way around?"

In a couple of google searches I found ADHD, which was only for hyperactive (noisy) kids.

I saw adults had it and ALL symptoms were a perfect match. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

I contacted the doc and told him about this, despite telling me it could be solved with amphetamines. He was not very fond of this diagnosis and kept me another month on anti-psychotics (ARGHH). I warned him that at the end of that month, either he'd give a prescription or I'd buy it in the black market.

I also tried self-motivation (don't ever give on this), Yoga (f***ing waste of time, ridiculous), vitamins, better food habits, Omega-3 and another lot of irrelevant solutions. These are not wrong, I need to point out, they simply do not have strong impact.

I barely could hold that month, but did. Then he prescribed me Ritalin, 20mg only.

The first couple of days it was useless, but after a week I was completely changed.

I felt the best in the world, did WONDERS at work, got social and really had the best months of my life. I was very aggressive, a bit intolerant to others and very large on my ego. This lasted 3 months. I kept the lamictal, 200mg.

Then things very slowly started to deteriorate. Lacked stimulus, got angry and frustrated easily, lost thrill in all. It took 2 months until I started to panic and cry.

In the subsequent two months little joy came, and I was in a black hole again.

Let me just state that I was never as bad as before the Ritalin. I kept work at good levels and managed to get social work done a lot better. I just lost the joy.

Even holidays, hobbies and family got to be totally indifferent for me.

Uselessness, hopeless feelings, inferiority complex (which is real when you are depressed) and despair became a RED line.

Last week I went to the doctor, and he said to take a 40mg doses of Ritalin. It seems to have worked a bit, while I am still not yet convinced it is a long term solution. 20mg is low even for kids, and daily prescriptions of 160mg to adults are still safe and done.

About alcohol, I barely drink more than a beer a week. I stopped it a couple years out of college not for obligation, but because I stopped strong partying and hate the hangovers. Alcohol was never an anti-depressant. It was a stimulus booster and social ice-breaker. I did try, and hate, weed. I need speed and not relax.


=========== about me =========

I am a very, very ambitious person. I demand much from me, I like power and status. I consider myself a very intellectual person and to be mostly of the times correct in my opinions. I and VERY proud and self-righteous. Impatient, but not unfriendly, nor boring nor tyrant.

Any deviation from this and it is a huge black-hole depression. Losing a bit of my very best brings me down to garbage. And I can't help it.


My life is perfect from the outside. I drive expensive cars (bought used for bargains), I have a house on the most expensive part of the city (parents helped), I have a degree from the best college in the country, I have a flight licence (God knows how an ADD guy can do it - persistence does wonders), I have a lovely wife with a very strong marriage.

I have high ranking position in the company and I do business development (proposals, contacts, selling to customers). This is unbelievable looking at my past.

I am seen by bosses as creative genius (like someone said in this forum also) and I manage to get away with so much stuff due to social skills. I never kiss *** and I am very cocky (not arrogant) when my energy is up and I notice people like me. I fluently speak 4 languages, 2 of them I picked them up just by reading papers and watching foreign channels.

On the other hand, I have no pleasure in dressing well, cleaning, houses, health and proper food. Symptoms of lack of self-esteem, I admit. I have little fun in the small things, such as music, wines, etc. I can only feel fun in achievement and power.

I must feel different from other people, I just hate to follow fashion of any sorts. I like doing original stuff, like holiday destinations, house decoration, and this means I am always comparing myself to others. Most of the times feeling a winner, whether true or not.


I had a lot of trouble concentrating on my work and everything else. Reading documents or books was horrible. I can easily get the big picture reading fast but loose all the details, many of them matter.

Before Ritalin I had enormous problems with figures (have to do a lot of financial reports). I stood in front of excel for hours (no problems with computers since I am a computer science engineer) completely lost, because I could not remember what I was doing a minute ago. Writing something was difficult because I could not concentrate. Debating is impossible, since I could not remember past. Procrastination led to MAJOR guilt feelings. Panic in confrontation was enormous. Lack of affection and empathy towards human life was enormous. Interest of dark subjects (murder, atrocities, disasters and corruption) increased. I still do a lot of multitasking (above average capability) but cannot do well any of the tasks. This is still seen as a positive skill in my profession, I must say.

My school exams were always with errors, typos, corrections, deletions etc. Many times I lost a full clean A, because I left one question unanswered due to lack to attention (not time!). I could never learn music, not any type of handwork or skills. I became relatively good at sports, by being aggressive and because I just hate to lose.

Taking flight lessons was VERY hard. The written exams are tricky and I did it only on my 3rd time. The flight part was something that caused me a lot of unhappiness. I could never concentrate, learn, and was always very nervous. I did never give up due to the money already spent and because I are so proud that I could never face people and say I gave up.

Ritalin also makes me a much safer driver as I never have problems with lack of attention to traffic. Even in my recent depression I had no fear nor risk was taken in driving. Before I had sometimes fear (justified!) of driving and took public transports. I had many little scratches in my car due to driving in depression. Have had none since Ritalin, except one that was just pure carelessness.

I still have the limitation to always be superficial at work, relations, and never going in to depth in anything. I know something about a lot of stuff, but never to much on any except some hobbies. Again, this is not that bad in my line of work, were multitasking and diversity are important. I have ease to demonstrate what I know so to many people, I sound a very knowledgeable guy (also knowledge is almost useless if not used or transmitted).


=========== bottom line =======

This is MY status, everyone has its own system, despite medical category bull****. Social background, other diseases, beliefs, etc have impact,
- anti depressant are anti-suicide solutions
- Ritalin takes you out of vegetarian
- Self motivation is needed ALL THE TIME
- Family REAL understanding of what the problem really is important.
- Pride in wanting to get better and demanding a quality life can lead to frustration but also lead to get closer to a solution.
- never give the doctor the answers he need to fit you in a category
- Always complain you are not getting better if you do not feel it. REFUSE to accept any sort of argumentation that you are better if you do not feel happy. Demand solution.
- Be Proactive looking for causes (like in this forum) but do not try to emulate others. Each one of us is different. Each case needs thorough investigation. This is not a broken bone, that plaster does it.
- Write your feelings DAILY. And show it to the doctor. When I felt better I tended to "erase" the bad moment. Huge error. I now take my diary in laptop to the doc for him to read the truth.
- always try to keep you friends nearby and work done even in the worst moments. It helps to get back to things when feeling better.
- NEVER speak about this to anyone who cannot understand it or who will not bring solutions. This means work and friends. Only do it to doctors and closest family (like wife).
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  #2  
Old 04-19-09, 11:45 AM
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

Ritalin was the first thing we tried for me and it is working well.


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Old 04-19-09, 01:00 PM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

Hello, Song of Mercy

What is your ammount (mg)?
Did you always take the same? How did it evolve?

Did you have bad side effects?

Did you try other amphetamines alikes?

Thanks for any help
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Old 04-19-09, 01:14 PM
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

Quote:
He was not very fond of this diagnosis and kept me another month on anti-psychotics (ARGHH). I warned him that at the end of that month, either he'd give a prescription or I'd buy it in the black market.
Welcome to the forum Albert.

This one statement really stuck out for me. I think you should really consider finding a doctor who is experienced in ADD. The fact that your Doc is "not fond of this diagnosis" means that he isn't hell-bent on treating you the way you need to be treated. I'm glad the Ritalin worked for you in some way, but you need a Doc who isn't afraid to try new medications because Ritalin may not be the one for you. It usually takes a lot of experimentation and continuous adjustments to find the optimal medication(s) and dosage.

Give it some serious thought.

Good luck!
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Old 04-19-09, 01:27 PM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinallyAnswered View Post
Welcome to the forum Albert.

This one statement really stuck out for me. I think you should really consider finding a doctor who is experienced in ADD. The fact that your Doc is "not fond of this diagnosis" means that he isn't hell-bent on treating you the way you need to be treated. I'm glad the Ritalin worked for you in some way, but you need a Doc who isn't afraid to try new medications because Ritalin may not be the one for you. It usually takes a lot of experimentation and continuous adjustments to find the optimal medication(s) and dosage.

Give it some serious thought.

Good luck!

Sorry, I meant we was not fond back then, as he was very unsure of it, and had to take my word for it. Besides having to admit he was wrong for years (blame to share).

Since results started popping, he has actually very happy, and has invested a lot in Amphet solutions.

ADHD in my country is still.....underdevelooped and very underrated.
Depression is normally diagnosed and treated with antidepressants (arghh) and phsycosis with anti-Psy.

Then again I do not know much people on treatment and I refuse to talk about this unless with my wife and the docs. And, of course, in anonymous forums.
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Old 04-19-09, 01:34 PM
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

dont be upset about this, but...

i was being told on this forum that i may have bipolar, so i did quite a bit of research on it. i'm not a professional though, but... what you describe sounds like what i read about altering states of mania and depression. and stimulants like ritalin seem to give you full blown mania... as you said, you felt better than everybody else (you even 'did wonders' at work), got angry, etc. etc.

have you ever looked into being bipolar...?
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Old 04-19-09, 01:47 PM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

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Originally Posted by γ-quantum View Post
dont be upset about this, but...

i was being told on this forum that i may have bipolar, so i did quite a bit of research on it. i'm not a professional though, but... what you describe sounds like what i read about altering states of mania and depression. and stimulants like ritalin seem to give you full blown mania... as you said, you felt better than everybody else (you even 'did wonders' at work), got angry, etc. etc.

have you ever looked into being bipolar...?
No reason for being upset.
My first diagnosis was a cyclotimic disorder. Which proved not realistic when I started to go down in a constant rate. Some up and down existed, yes, but a mood stabilizer solved it (still take it).

Then bipolar 2n level (something like than - I am translating from another lanaguage), which again made no sense, because of steep downhill.

Bipolar behaviors were not frequent. The doc was always scared I would waste all my money in the stock market or casinos or buy expensive stuff, or quit my job to do something impossible. I never did any sort of those thing and kept a reasonable view on my capabilities.

ADHD is correct and all sympthoms match.

An I also believe people can a have a bit of everything.
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Old 04-19-09, 07:29 PM
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

So are you normally lethargic or hyperactive?

What were the effects ritalin gave you in week 1?

Have you tried amphetamines? What were the effects they gave you?
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Old 04-20-09, 08:00 PM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

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Originally Posted by demitriden View Post
So are you normally lethargic or hyperactive?

What were the effects ritalin gave you in week 1?

Have you tried amphetamines? What were the effects they gave you?
When out of amphet I am totally lethargic. No energy, no drive, starting setences with "huh...". Always reactive and never proactive, no ideas, no creativity, no improvisation. Very passive and unagressive. Short term memory a huge mess.

I was not always lethargic and had some short hyperative moments (that became rare). These were a bit mania/euphoria and I really had to control myself and use Lamictal.

Ritalin in week 1: first 3/4 days did not make a difference (not even placebo).
End of the week, my concentration started to show and to become stable. Whenever I felt it breakdown, it was when I worked too hard, and sleeping would just do the trick. This gave a sense of "justice", you know? You are tired, you rest and that solves it.

Second week until 3 months. Very active, not maniac, and very comitted in everything. Lots of enthusiasm to have been able to overcome 30 years of pain. Positive thinking all the time.

I then entered a huge depression, but NEVER became as lethargic as before the Ritalin period.

I never tried any amphets other than Ritalin. Blood pressure is the sole concern. Increased heart beat happens, but doc says not an issue.
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Old 05-09-09, 03:18 PM
Glimpse Inside Glimpse Inside is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

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Originally Posted by AlbertS View Post
When out of amphet I am totally lethargic. No energy, no drive, starting setences with "huh...". Always reactive and never proactive, no ideas, no creativity, no improvisation.
I like the way you describe your condition. "Lethargic" is probably the key word for the way I feel about my life without meds too. Although I think I do get more ideas and the sort of thinking "outside the box" without meds, all those ideas are very abstract and unwinding very far from original topic, thus I rarely express them properly. Not to mention the general lack of energy or engagement in life.

I think stimulants (Adderall in my case) make me much more goal oriented, and achieving, while without them - I can sit for hours contemplating about the idea and triviality of something, like the purpose of the goal itself - without actually doing anything. I may admire the depths of the thoughts and where they take me, but at the same time I feel a total lack of emotion, no motivation to do anything, just a constant lethargic depressive state, wherem like you say, I only react to things, and even those reactions are faked at most times.

Also tried all kinds of meds and therapies - SSRIs, risperidone, lamictal, cognitive theraphy, analytical theraphy, Omega fats, etc., etc. No effects. At some times, even fallen to the belief, that may this is normal -the kind of life without passions, drive, or motivation. Then I tried Adderall and it was like waking up from a very long sleep.

So thanks for sharing your Ritaling success story. I am actually thinking of trying Ritalin now, as Adderall is not licensed in the place I live now.
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Old 05-13-09, 05:35 PM
AlbertS AlbertS is offline
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Re: ADD - Ritalin a success for me!!

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Originally Posted by Glimpse Inside View Post
.........I can sit for hours contemplating about the idea and triviality of something, like the purpose of the goal itself - without actually doing anything. I may admire the depths of the thoughts and where they take me, but at the same time I feel a total lack of emotion, no motivation to do anything, just a constant lethargic depressive state, wherem like you say, I only react to things, and even those reactions are faked at most times....
Quite true, know what you mean.
Allways evaluating, overanalysing everything, tryring to rationalize motivations and reasons etc...
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