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  #1  
Old 10-16-03, 09:07 AM
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Tell me some funny stories

Lets hear some funny stories

I'll go first:

I was working as a bank teller when we had a customer come in, complaining about her shirt being too tight as she had put on weight. The customer handed a cheque to the teller and the teller asked, "Have you faxed this through" (for wages).

The customer looked at the teller mortified and said indignantly, "I beg your pardon!"

Again the teller said, "Have you faxed this through?"

"OH!" the customer exclaimed, "I thought you were asking if I had a fat sister too!"



Another one:

I had a customer come in to deposit some money. After I had done that he asked if he could have a balance on the back of his butt (meaning cheque book butt).

I couldn't help myself when I blurted out in front of about 20 customers, "Well bend over then!"



Another one:


My autistic son was very confused one day after he came home from school. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I don't understand! I wanted our group to be called cats and the teacher said we had to be tigers because it was still part of the cat family".

I told him to go and have a look in his encyclopedia and he brought it out looking more confused. The picture of the 'cat family' was presented like a family photo. He then said, "I still don't understand! When is Mia (our cat) going to grow up into a tiger?"
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Old 10-16-03, 10:18 AM
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ROFLMAO!!!!

Okay, here's one that isn't THAT funny but had me in giggle fits all day at work:

I was at work entering notes onto an account (my new job involves me helping people with credit cards) and wanted to make a note indicating that a payment "came through"... trouble is the note feature does not allow you to ever go back and edit a note: once its on the account, its there permanently. So I wrote in this huge long complicated explanation of the customers situation and how frustrating things were... but then the computer screwed up and in the process of trying to edit a sentence, I deleted the first part of "came through"... Then I accidentally entered the note into the record trying to fix it. So the end result was a note on the account that looked kind of like this:

-DID [blah blah blah] FOR THE CUSTOMER
-DID NOT WORK, CUSTOMER UNSATISFIED
-TRIED [blah blah blah] INSTEAD
-THAT DIDN'T WORK EITHER - CUSTOMER VERY AGITATED
-ME THROUGH

And no way to go back and change it... so every time I imagine someone going and looking into the notes, they're going to think I ended them intentionally with "Me Through"... hehehe
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Old 10-16-03, 10:26 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Dammit stuff like that happens to me ALL the time, and I can't think of the best of the stories... I'm sure I'll remember them later at work when I'm away from a computer...

One time at a theatre I worked at we were moving props including a huge coffin, which we were having trouble getting around a hallway corner because it was too big, so we set it down to consider the problem. My boss came around the corner, saw us sitting down, and said "What am I paying you for? Shouldn't you be working right now?"
I responded without thinking, "We're on a coffin break."
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Old 10-16-03, 11:36 AM
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LOL yep there's tons of that & I misread and mishear stuff ALL the time but I'll be damned if I remember most of them!

I remember this one though:

As a kid I got sent to camps and playgroups a lot because I had trouble socialising and so on, and one of those was a camp where we travelled along the border of our Kanton (county ins Switzerland) with a horse-drawn waggon.

When I was trying to tell my boyfriend something about an event that happened in this camp, I suddenly couldn't speak properly any more so I happily blabbered on about "That camp thing I used to do with horses" - I didn't realise the impact of my little twist on the words until he burst out laughing!


I also keep mis-reading the "Discounts for young people" sign at local bus shelters as "Discounts for ugly people"
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Old 10-16-03, 11:49 AM
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This is sooooooooo stupid.... My daughter has a CD she like to listen to. One of the songs is about a parrot and the lyric is: "...being your echo is my favorite game...". Well the first time I hear the song, I heard the lyric as: "...being your rectum is my favorite game...". I swear, I have no idea why, but now I can't stop hearing it this way and it makes me laugh every time. Don't judge I'm a good person. Really! I swear!
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Old 10-16-03, 12:09 PM
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My best funny story is on the night of my stag and doe we were staggering home from at 3 oclock in the morning, from where the party was held and when we came to a T intersection where Kevin the guy who arranged the party was going to turn off .

I said to him as a parting remark "Ill call you in the morning and we can go for breakfast"

His parting remark was " The only reason you are to call me a**hole is if you win the LOTTERY.

At 10:00 the next morning after recieving a call from my father-in-law to tell me we had won $425,000 in the lottery I called Kevin.

His first words were "What do you want A**Hole"

I said "You Told Me To Call If I Won The Lottery --- I Won The Lottery.

He very unpolitly told me to F*** O** and hung up.

5 minutes later the phone rang and it was Kevin and he said " I just called the lottery store and they said someone was just in there with the winning ticket.

I once again told him I won the Lottery and then hung up on him

He arrived at the place I was staying within 5 minutes

I am probbally one of the few people in this world that has ever won over $40,000 at there stag and doe
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Old 10-16-03, 01:04 PM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by why
This is sooooooooo stupid.... My daughter has a CD she like to listen to. One of the songs is about a parrot and the lyric is: "...being your echo is my favorite game...". Well the first time I hear the song, I heard the lyric as: "...being your rectum is my favorite game...". I swear, I have no idea why, but now I can't stop hearing it this way and it makes me laugh every time. Don't judge I'm a good person. Really! I swear!
We had the song "Blue" by Eiffel 65 played at our reception... the lyric reads: "I'm blue, da ba dee da ba da" but a friend was going around telling everyone that it REALLY says "I'm blue, I'm in need of a guy"... and everybody BELIEVED him!
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Old 10-16-03, 07:01 PM
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Oh oh I have one!! I'm a civil engineer technician for background.

Well I was working with a very difficult engineer, to make things worse this engineer is now engaged to my boss. Lovely. So we were working on a Wetland package for a site which includes permits. I got the typical "are you finished yet" "This has to be done right now" and basically acting like a vulture. The office manager came in and the engineer who I work with tell him about the deadline and all and the manager looked at me and asked what I was working on I said, honestly " I am working on the Dam plan and the Dam details" (I was working on the Dam permits - beavers) Loved that one.

The other one is when I was doing a sections for the first time. 96 sheets total. and the project had several roads labeld A thru K.
I seperated the sections by roads, putting two roads if they were small ones. So when the manager asked me at what point I was on the sections I told him, honestly " I'm on the F&G sections" (You need to say this out loud)
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Old 10-19-03, 01:17 AM
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A truck drivers story

I met a guy on the road last night and we talked on the cb from Pt Huron to Ohio about lots of stuff

interesting man

at the end of the run he mentioned that he wasn't waiting to die but that it doesn't scare him to die as he has allready been dead once anyway.

he was working on a flatbed and a binder broke loose and shattered his leg in 16 places.

He was taken to the hospital where he was in bed for 3 months. When your in bed that long the blood will start to clot in his legs , of which they were keeping a pretty close eye on but one of the clots let loose and plugged an artery to his lungs.

He died from the blood clot but what he claims he saw is weird .

He claims he saw the 3 nurses and an older chinnese doctor who were working on him trying to revive him from what he says was the top corner of the room.

he could feel no pain , no cold, no heat. He had no fear just confusion as to where he was. After he saw them working on his body trying to revive him he then figured out that he had died.

when they revived him he was absorbed back into his body.

when he came too he was telling a nurse what he had seen and she told him that it was exactly as he described it. That he had died and had no life signs and that the chinnese doctor was there doctor on call for that evening and that he wasn't a regular doctor in that area but was just filling in.

this driver claims he had never seen him before in his life

He says he has done a lot of reading on the subject of near death and after death experence now and it is just the same for many many other people who have gone through the same experence.

Thats my story as told to me by another driver who I have never met other than a CB conversation and he says he never would have told me about it except that I asked him why he wasn't afraid to die after he had mentioned that he wasn;t
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Old 10-20-03, 09:02 AM
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Well I can echo that story, albeit in a much less exciting context. At a summer camp, as a child we were goofing around: one would take ten deep breaths followed by ten quick ones, then as you exhale another kid would press on your chest until you pass out (ahh kids...can't wait till mine is old enough to entertain such ideas). When it came to be my turn, as I blacked out - I was still aware of what was going on - I watched (top corner of room perspective) the kid that pressed on my chest let me slump to the floor and start slapping my face. I woke up with me on the floor and the kid slapping me. Who knows what this was...maybe just the body's attept to continue to register sensory input while the cognitive mind is disconnected...
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Old 10-20-03, 05:11 PM
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I had worked in flower shop for sometime. Once an order came in that was particularly pollenated. Needless to say I was sneezing all day. Well, anyways this old guy came in every 20 mins fro an hour and would by a single rose. So the last time he came in I said to him" Now sir if you wanted 1/2 a dozens roses all u had to do was say so" he says "No I was just looking at the merchendise." So he buys another flower and leaves. I am thinking o myself"what meechandise?" And I just happen to look down. Wasn't store stuff he was looking at. It was my boobs, all out there on full display. I had sneezed some much that my shirt had come unbuttoned all the way to my naval. Well he comes back in sees my shirt is no longer open says "Oh Crap" and turns around and high tails it out of there.
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Old 10-20-03, 06:34 PM
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omg...lmbo...hahaha
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Old 10-21-03, 05:18 PM
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Grin I must echo Bigs reply

I just didn't want to be first to reply

I think you have the best story so far

from a male prospective anyway
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Old 11-05-03, 11:55 AM
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Last weekend my wife and I were in a mall. As we walked past a Victoria's Secret store, we were attacked by a young woman with a bottle of men's cologne. She told us that there are two different men's colognes, and she was holding "number one." She spritzed a little bit on a piece of paper, handed it to me, and asked me if I liked it. Of course, I said that it smelled like number one. When she offered us a sample of number two, I told her I didn't want to smell her number two and we left. My wife, of course, just rolled her eyes, since she's used to this kind of humor coming out of me.

Hey, I thought it was clever, and was surprised that nobody else before me reacted the same way.
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Old 11-05-03, 11:58 AM
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During the first couple of weeks at a new job (many years ago) I walked over to my desk to find a note asking me to return a call to "Mr. Lyon," along with his phone number. I had no idea who this person was, so I dialed the number. To my surprise, I had dialed the local zoo and was asking to speak to Mr. Lion. Ha Ha Ha.

It's kind of corny, but it's a good joke to play on people at work.
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