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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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Old 03-20-06, 02:00 PM
Just Weird Just Weird is offline

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Learning Life Skills in Books

Hi Everyone,

I just had this thought and I want to share it. (It's Monday, lunchtime)-anyway...And I only have 20 minutes.

We all know how are ADD limits our abilities to get through an average day. Sometimes the average day with dishes to wash, laundry to do, whatever can seem overwhelming and daunting.

Well, I think there's also a component of ignorance.

My parents were both ADD. And, I didn't know you could clean my stove by turning the dial. I didn't realize that some people actually dust their houses weekly, I didn't "get" how my husband vacuumed under the furniture on occasion or, and I'm dead serious, that people actually did their dishes daily!

It isn't that I'm stupid. I can criticize, analyze, theorize on the true meaning of last night's Sopranos with the best of them. (Did anyone else catch the Costa Mesa burning on the TV in the bar and then later T asks the Bartender "How's things in Costa Mesa?" and the bartender says, "dead, as usual."

However, through the course of my life I simply tuned out or just plain wasn't taught some really simple life skills. Day to Day stuff.

Maybe this isn't any epiphany for anyone else, but over time, I've learned a lot life skills through books. As the long as the book was relatively simple and not long-winded, I have really gained life skills by studying.

Well, I just thought maybe to share the books that have helped me
I"m not talking psych books, we've all read plenty of those-I'm talking books we as ADD'ers would normally look over.

"Speed Cleaning" by Jeff Campbell and The Clean Team, copyright 1987 by Dell
My anal brother-in-law lent me this book and I actually loved it. It's breaks down the simple art of cleaning your entire house, room by room. Each chapter is a different so it isn't overwhelming and it's a short book!!!!

"Getting Results for Dummies"
by Mark McCormick
Now, this is one of those little tiny books you see when you go checkout at Wal Mart or wherever. I only have it because my toddler picked it out the rack! It's the abbreviated version of "Getting Results for Dummies, same author, copyright 2004 by American Media Mini Mags, Inc.

This guy gets my attention when he mentions that he schedules a two-hour nap into his daily routine. Maybe and ADDer who doesn't know he's ADD and has compensated over the years? Anyhow he's some big rich business dude and he breaks down, in a very simple way how to organized and plan your day. Of course, he gets up at 5 am but lets not dwell on that.

If anyone has any other books that have helped, Please SHARE. Of course, we still have DO the work, but knowing what to do gives you more confidence to actually GET it done because your proud of DOING it WELL!!

Love Heather
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Old 03-21-06, 11:26 AM
fuzzybrain fuzzybrain is offline
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Thanks for starting this thread because books are my thing. I think for many reasons, but most everything I know I learned from books, and I just enjoy reading-a lot of Dr. Phil books, because he is so strong, and my feeble mind needs that, I need him in my ear 24/7 Just to "get life" sometimes. I don't understand so much of what people say, I am so slow on the uptake, I need to see it in print, to study it, and mull it over for an "aha" moment.

I have one, called ADD Friendly Ways to Organize your Life by Judith Kohlberg and Kathleeen Nadeau, PH.D. It is very good as I tend to "go by my moods" and how I feel about a certain task seems to determine if it will get done or not, like it is a person or something-I put too much of myself into what I do, so it is like I am constantly reinventing the wheel-this tells you things like using bright colored notes to get your attention, simplifying tasks to 5 doable things, and then cross them off when you are done, things like that, because we are a special breed, we need adaptations that work for us. I make so many things that should be easy-hard-just my nature. This is a good one. I have lots of others that I hope to get around to....mostly books about Special ed since I am going back into teaching,

I like Flylady too, she has a lot of helpful things, that help you get things done, and they make sense, and she is always patting you on the back for accomplishing things.

I struggle with confidence issues too-I want to feel good about what I do or it isn't worth doing it.

good luck to you I hope you get lots of great responses for your quest. I will be checking this one out. LORI
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Old 03-21-06, 02:27 PM
Irish Mermaid Irish Mermaid is offline

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I feel like this all the time - like other people were just BORN knowing things that I still haven't figured out. (What FLY Lady calls "Born Organized.") It makes me feel like everyone else has "grown up" and "gets it" and I'm just faking my way through. (I'm 37.)

I have bought so many books and haunted so many Web sites, including the ones mentioned above and others. In addition to FLY Lady, Jeff Campbell and the ADD Friendly Organizing, I also really like Julie Morgenstern's "From the Inside Out" (Organizing and Time Management) books.

Not that I've managed to fully implement any of them, but I keep trying! What seems to work best for me is the a la carte method - pull pieces from each that make sense to me and my life.

Getting Things Done by David Allen is also somewhat helpful (primarily for work not home) - although at least for me, it is sometimes too detailed and specific for me to follow through with consistently.

I'll be very interested to see other recommendations!
On 1st grade report card: "She gets so involved with other concerns that she forgets to attend to the task at hand."
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Old 03-21-06, 10:34 PM
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chloe516 chloe516 is offline
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I thought What Does Everyone Else Know That I Dont Know? was good. I actually had an AHA! moment today. I was in someone's office talking to her and she took out a Tootsie Roll, it was the last one, and she asked "Would you like the last Tootsie Roll?" I usually would have said yes, not thinking that she was just trying to be polite and not really wanting to give it to me, but it clicked today, after reading that book, and I said "No thank you" instead! Too bad people are so confusing, Tootsie Rolls are my favorite!!
"I look at you looking at me, Now I know why the best things are free, How you've changed my world You'll never know, I'm different now, You've helped me grow." -"Angel of Mine" by Monica

"Success is the prize for those who stand true to their ideas!" -Josh S. Hinds

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Old 05-07-06, 07:08 AM
ClarityWhere ClarityWhere is offline
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At one point I thought I might have BPD, b/c I was so "off" and so angry so much of the time. As it turned out, I'd have to have REALLY stretched to fit even half the required traits, but Marsha Linehan's "Skills Training Manual for Borderline Personality Disorder" has some excellent worksheets. Stuff like degrees of saying no, and degrees of requesting things. Other people automatically get the right degree of intensity, but for me, it was enlightening to see a range of options printed out so I could go through them like a ladder and say ... too mild, a little better, hmm too harsh, back to the "a little better" option. And so on.
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Old 05-07-06, 09:05 AM
william tell william tell is offline

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You mean there are some people who do there dishes Every Day ? and Dust Every week ?
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Old 05-09-06, 12:14 PM
literati literati is offline

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Hmmm, I guess I'd have to say that my folks have ADD issues too, my dad more than my mom. He's what Dr. Amen would called Overfocused ADD I think, and is allergic to stress, social situations, etc. That said, we never had people over to our house often (my dad hates being social), so I didn't learn much when it came to social skills (how to be a good friend, how to resolve conflicts, how to behave "normally" in public). So I guess I read a lot of fiction books (learning how characters behave "like a lady" etc), and self-help books to try and improve my idiocy in this area... Does that make sense???
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Old 05-09-06, 12:50 PM
tinkerbelle tinkerbelle is offline
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Hey literati - did we have the same dad? My dad calls himself a "self described recluse" which is completely accurate! We almost never had anyone over (1 or 2x a year) and didnt visit other people all that often, even relatives that lived in town. And, my parents always seemed uncomfortable when I had friends over. My dad's not add though. Just has major social discomfort plus other strange undiagnosed problems.

I think that's why I make sure to go places and get involved with other people with small kids - so my kids dont have the isolated childhood I did.

I also liked the book ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life.
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Old 05-09-06, 06:13 PM
literati literati is offline

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I HAVE the book ADD Friendly Ways to Organize your Life, but I just haven't read it yet, LOL! Typical ADD I suppose...
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Old 05-23-06, 09:30 AM
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enchantedmoons enchantedmoons is offline

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Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread and giving me some great ideas for books I can look for. I'm newly diagnosed (well, it's more than a month now, I guess) and I had no idea until I found this board that other people have the same problem that I do with not knowing how to do things. I just figured I was weird or something! I'm not sure how much is the ADD and how much was my parents not teaching me the basics of life (probably both), but when I got married I had no idea how to keep a checkbook, to do laundry, clean the house properly, pay bills on time, etc. I've actually had to learn most of that stuff from my husband (talk about making you feel like a kid!), and some of it I still struggle with, especially anything financial.

I think I'm going to look for that book, "What Do Other People Know that I Don't?" because that sounds like it is right up my alley.

Thanks so much for being here and for sharing. I appreciate not being so alone with my "stuff" anymore.

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
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