ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADDForums FRONT OFFICE > New Member Introductions
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-20-04, 08:05 PM
traveler2002 traveler2002 is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 23
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
traveler2002 is on a distinguished road
traveler 2002, israel: story of me..

ok, folks i tend to ramble on, so anyone who has their in-attention/impulsive turned on i suggest u hit the eject button now, because this is gonna be a looong story :)

i wasn't diagnosed with adhd, until the age of 20, before that, i was everything u could think on an un-diagnosed adhd. Bad at school, lazy etc.

Those were dark times, in elementary, when she came back from work (in the evening) my mom used to seat with me on my home work till late at night, is used to dread these sittings, , she could scream at me, for not getting it, like sitting next to rotten TNT bomb that can go off any second. She always screamed at me. I once read somewhere that yelling at a kid, impedes their brains development, she did everything wrong (i don't think she was mean, just stubborn). I could recognize her cigarette cough outside the door in the corridor when I was watching TV, and my mood dropped like a rock. i started to do all sort of tricks to get away from her, i arranged with my 'friend' whom she used to call to get my homework, that he would not give out the true amount of what we had to do that day but a reduced version of it, i say 'friend' because later on, it back fired on me because he started blackmailing me, for doing things with him (not illegal stuff mind u :) ), so i was trapped, (i later found out that he stole money from me).
i don't remember much from these days, except that i was a nothing in the full sense of the word, my academic achievements were downunder as u might have learned by now, but even kids with low grades can be good at sports (i.e. jocks) right?, wrong, i hated sports, and i was fat (another reason to be screamed at), but even fat, low graded kids can be sociable, right? wrong, i was considered the odd ball, a freak, something that i actually embraced, never had actual friends, although kids were friendly to me, (never exactly was picked on that i can remember), i wasn't even a geek, because i wasn't good enough with a computer, just computer games, this and that, i was a void in all manner of aspects, physical, mental, social. Days would pass by one by one, all the same.
Perhaps one of the few things i could remember were my "business enterprises" :) i tired to come up with nice things to do with the computer, like using a old program called 'printmaster' that printed nice drawings and frames, i collected them all to a nice catalog and offered to sell customized signs to kids. it went rather nicely i would thinks, after a while i stopped, and after a few months i let a friend copy the program from me, when i later tried to return to it, i discovered he started the same things only with lower quality and cheaper prices, so u might say that in high school i learned the true value of free market and being immensely stupid at the same time...
Then there was the astrological reports, i had a complex program called blue star that could print out 40 pages of astrological profile reports on ppl (accurate i should add), i offered to sell them to folks, mostly girls because, girls are much more into it, but they didn't have the patience to sit with me as i would translate it to them (the reports were in English), it was a crude attempt to get know girls better because they would confirm or deny what the reports said ;)
Another time i tired to scan pictures that kids would give me and enlarge them and add text to it, but scanners these days were not of good quality (hand, gray scanners if anyone can remember).
Then there was the time when i actuallly tried to record the teachers and type what Iíve heard at home on a computer, because of my bad handwriting, it was a attempt to better my grades, but at the same time i discovered that it had a rather nice value for kids who really wanted it for their studies , so i started to sell 'transcripts' i typed, that went rather well also, till i got busted by vice principle who mumbled something about copyright laws, go figure :)
Other then these events i don't remember much positive issues from teens and pre-teens, in our country 18 year olds were drafted to army , i used to watch films on military (American films, marines, didn't know much about our army) i thought i wouldn't survive it, that i would end up killing myself or going mental (or both). I figured if i would survive it, Iíd probably end up as a street cleaner, living in a shack the rest of my life.
Just before the army my dad told me about adhd, he thought that i might have it and got me 'driven for distraction" i absorbed most of it
Then came army, who was the complete opposite of what Iíve expected, first off boot camp wasn't so horrid, because it turned out they had a special boot camp for ppl in low shape (fat remember?), it took only about a month, and almost went well, till i forgot my rifle in my dorm, and got punished by it, i burst into tears from the thrustration, other then that i made the female drill instructors laugh, and i kept warning them about my adhd, how i could mess up in gunnery range, guard duties, etc.., i also think i'm probably only the rookie in the entire universe who offered them - - astrological reports. ;)
Then after that month i was dispatched to central hq, my formal designation was to general cleaning work, paint the trees, clean the toilets etc.. but i was there only 1 day (my first day) because i showed a page from a computer magazine of a a computer generated car and asked the chief if he thought it was real, i later found out that he run straight to personal chief yelling why would he give him such useless solider who knows about computers, and probably nothing about brooms. Another officer who attended that meeting offered they would attach me to his office where i would learn a new inventory program they had and teach it to the rest of crew, i said ok, and begun learning it. Then they wanted CHANGES. It turned out that program was written on an application generator called 'magic'. I knew nothing about it, but i begun learning it at night with the help of my brother who was also in military (on same base mind u), i learned it at nights, and in the day i would try out things, the first months i was soo hysterical, i was afraid one day a senior officer would turn up shout "what is he doing here, he doesn't belong here kick him back to cleaning", or that i would mess up disappoint everyone, and same senior officer would show up, that didn't happen for some reason, i gradually took control over the program. Then after about half a year, i begun re-writing the whole thing guided by my inventory chief, my chief then offered the new program as an efficiency suggestion, who was accepted. After about a year i got my hands on a new version of the application generator, and re-wrote the inventory program again, this time expanding it, i was asked to create other database program in magic for other departments (simple ones though, office equipment, guns so on.. ) things were beginning to look up,btw the hq base was only half an hour bus ride to my house, i was promoted from time to time (actually to be honest almost all promotions came with time to all personal u just have to be good behaviour, except the last one which was sergeant first class, who my formal designation shouldn't have gotten ) and was awarded during the end of my service with a certificate of excellence.
During this time i was also seeing a psychiatrist regarding my adhd, we tried several drugs for a few months (Ritalin, pomalin, Dexedrine) all i reported to be not effective. I then ceased the treatment. Near the end of my service a salesman of the company that developed the application generator heard about me, and came to see me, he had a friend who was a ceo of a small software company that worked with that application generator. That ceo offered me a job, i begun working there part time as a test.
After my 3 years of service (btw they wanted to shorten it to 2 years for budget reasons, but i volunteered for a year) , i begun working for the company full time.. And i was hysterical again, see, during my service, i realized that the army didn't work or function according to standard rules of the real world, that it was easy for me because of that, and now in real world i would probably mess up again, but after a few months that didn't happen as well, so by now i begun to re-evaluate my personal perspective.
So then the phoenix project was born. That project had single simple purpose in mind: to make me a better person then i was, as a feasblity test before that project i decided to save up my salary, in order to buy the biggest baddest laptop computer there is, it would be my "home" away from home, something that would completely be mine, no one would touch it, and mine to order it as i see fit . It took me about a year to do so (during that year i had a moment where i almost broke down, every client i worked with had a problem at the same time i thought i would get fired for sure), but after that year i got the "dell inspirion 7000" i think it was the first true desktop replacement, dell almost never exported it outside the us (saying it's a consumer only product) and i almost gave up on it, but then they changed their minds and i got it for 5000$, (after a few months they change their minds again but didn't matter much anyway). so now i had a laptop, it was mine, so a new era set foot. The project begun, the principle of the project was to act AGAINST my instincts, when they would say run away, hide, , i would go charging, my first target was weight, i was reached to 265 pounds back then, and i got tired of eating. (u chew and u chew and u chew, enough already it's boooring). the first thing i said to myself was getting fat is like sticking a gun into your mouth and squeezing the trigger slooowly, it might take u a little more time, but u'll get there eventually and BANG!, i used other psychological tricks, like making myself believe that pretty girls would look at me differently, and using my laziness and an excuse not to eat (why would u want to eat that, u'd have to get up, get outside, buy it return, it's too much work for just food), i would picture a HUGE fat red neck construction worker, eating at a diner, the beast of a man, saying that the only difference between me and him was time. i lost around 65 pounds that way but that wasn't enough, (i'm 6'3), my weight was stopped back then.
my 2nd project was education, hard part was to get my boss to get me 2 days off my job for learning, we argued, but i put my foot down according to the project and he agreed, i joined a small course to get a degree in software technical (it's not computer science become i wouldn't have a chance with math) but it was something and most of the courses were interesting, except for statistics, who got me at my weak spot, which was off course math, i almost thought of giving up, the degree, if it werenít' for my dad, i was soo afraid of the test, but i got 84 in it (i never saw the actually results, but according to my calculations that's maximum i could get because i skipped to answers). During my studies i was torn apart between my job and my studies, i was always afraid my boss would demand more time from me and that i would neglate my studies and fail, or otherwise my studies would take to much time and i wouldn't be able to keep my job.
Actually during the middle of my studies i switch to an hourly based job with him and could turn out to save me when the big hi-tech bubble crashed in 2001, i never lost my job, still keeping it and working 3 days a week.
And now, now Iím still studying, finishing up a final project of the degree, (using a real project i did at work), and moving on to software engineer degree. i recently joined a gym and now i lost 15 pounds, so now i'm 185 pounds on 6'3, but i think i still have more to loose. i also got into bicycles (never learned how to drive) and i ride to work every day 4 miles, actually the funny part is that i tried that before i lost weight, and after 2 miles i came up soo sweating and tired that i gave up after a few weeks, then after a few years, i saw a guy in a bus with something i later on learned to be called an electric scooter, i got real excited about it, but the owner of the shop offered me an electric bicycle instead (larger range) it seemd fine for while , but later on turned to be a bust, because the entire thing was soo heavy , and was sensitive to bumps, but it got me fitter (exactly the opposite of what i wanted because after all i wanted to get to work not sweating, but this time i was 30 pounds lighter so that made a difference), and most important i found out that there are actually quality bikes in my size, i went to research mode, i finally got trek 7500 city bike, i later fitted it with clipless pedals (pedals that stick to special clits in your shoes make u go faster), so i ride to work, i hide my bike and cover them with black cloth terrified someone might steal them. (Yes, i chain them up off course)..
so now i have a job, a good job, ppl respect me there, my boss respects me,my fitness is extremely high (resting pulse is 55).
But there is more to be done, my studies are lingering on, 2 days are more then enough and yet i can't seem to cope with them, it drive me nuts, because a 22 year old cute girl in my work place, manages a full time job and a computer science 3-4 course, the shame is in even worse because she keeps coming up to me to help her out in her actual job.
a few weeks ago , i learned about something called T.O.V.A test, a test that examines your responses to medication, i thought that my own reports about the drug might not be reliable, because when i took them i didn't know what to expect, and i was doing programming, which kept me interactive with the computer, now when Iím studying i might see different results, not to mention that my treatment was 6-7 years ago and perhaps there are new drugs around (don't mention straterra, it's not allowed in israel for commercial patent reasons), and like i said 80 pounds lost, and since the drug dosage might be weight related well u know..
i took the test, the results were hmm confusing at best...
First of all according the results, my response time without Ritalin was 342ms, that went down to 306ms under 10mg, and then
to 269 ms under 25mg, response time variability also changed from 146ms to 72ms, to 61ms, but it claims that my in-attention errors were 4.64% without Ritalin that went down on 10mg to 1.85% but under 25 mg, it went up to 12.35%!!, that doesn't make sense, it shows that the first 10 minutes i almost didn't pressed the switch while i distinctly remember pressing, actually i thought i did good then, is it possible i was too fast for it? (on all test it didn't show any results the 3rd quarter claiming i was just guessing because i pressed too fast)..
Iím also looking into something called shaper brain software, something like neurofeedkback only without the feedback, it has u doing exercise on a personal computer to help u more focused, i posted a question about it here, but i was never answered.
And last, my social life. no i don't have a girlfriend, i never had, i don't think i will have, yes 27-year-old virgin etc.. , that part of my life is dormant, because i don't think i have what it takes to maintain a relationship, Iím a boring person, i'm only interested in cats (have one, have picture if anyone wants) bicycles ,sci-fi and computers, Iím also rather shallow , because Iím also interested in good looks, but i myself don't think i look good, so a girl should have better options them me, the interaction with girls is what i did in yahoo messenger offering them erotic fantasies in wooden cabin in snowy mountains. a guy like that should not have a gf.
i've begun in recent months to post my daily weight in an Israeli forum, in that post i also tell the things that passed my mind during that day, it's something like "captain's blog" it help me to keep me in a frame on loosing weight..

So this is what i am, striving to keep forward, experimenting, thrusting, pushing and testing, for I will not yield to the darkness inside my mind.

P.S: if u'v managed to get this far without medication , Iím sorry but u simply don't have add. :)

P.S2: sorry for all the typoís and grammar.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-20-04, 08:54 PM
Jellybean's Avatar
Jellybean Jellybean is offline
ADDvanced Forum Guru
 

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: florida
Posts: 1,155
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Jellybean is on a distinguished road
It was very interesting, I read it all, I'mmmm cured!
(I had a few popcorn breaks)
It is hard to believe you are shallow.
You seem to posses a lot of drive to grow, that doesn't seem shallow.
Wecome to ze forums!!
__________________
"Time flies like the wind,
fruit flies like a banana."
(bar bathroom wisdom)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-20-04, 09:17 PM
Garry's Avatar
Garry Garry is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Auburn, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,597
Thanks: 0
Thanked 52 Times in 32 Posts
Garry has disabled reputation
I read it all too and please dont tell me I dont have ADD

I couldn't survive the bordom of being a Linear Thinker

you have a lot more stamiana than many other people casn ever dream of having

keep posting
__________________
I do not have a disease - I do not " Have ADD "

I am ------------ ADD
Addaptable, Directed, Determined

NEW Posts
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 03-20-04, 09:23 PM
Mary's Avatar
Mary Mary is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Somewhere amongst the stars..hehe
Posts: 6,875
Thanks: 3,230
Thanked 1,276 Times in 975 Posts
Mary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to beholdMary is a splendid one to behold
Welcome to ADDforums!!
__________________
Mary
Shining Star Qualities

Remember, we here at ADDForums can only do so much. It's up to us as individuals to make the right choices, to seek professional help outside the forums.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-20-04, 09:40 PM
Andrew's Avatar
Andrew Andrew is offline
Ghost in the Machine
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: New York, NY, USA
Posts: 13,208
Thanks: 243
Thanked 1,633 Times in 574 Posts
Andrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew has a reputation beyond repute
Indeed...Shalom and welcome to the ADD Forums!
__________________
The end is near...I don't have time to shoe shop for Andi!

To review the ADD Forums Guidelines, please click here.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-21-04, 03:38 AM
apcpapergirl's Avatar
apcpapergirl apcpapergirl is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,326
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
apcpapergirl is on a distinguished road
Welcome to the ADD Forums traveler2002
__________________
Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-21-04, 04:48 AM
traveler2002 traveler2002 is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 23
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
traveler2002 is on a distinguished road
thank u all, i'm not sure what i would post here exactly, excpt for drugs questions, and treatment.

i'm shallow becuase like i said i'm interested in good looks as well, and since i don't want to offend any girl i'd rather not date anyone.

btw this is my cat when he was little:
http://www.ratemykitten.com/ratemy/kitten?image=73965
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-21-04, 05:54 AM
apcpapergirl's Avatar
apcpapergirl apcpapergirl is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,326
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
apcpapergirl is on a distinguished road
I believe what counts is the beauty on the inside. To be treated with respect. A loving & caring person.
__________________
Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-21-04, 05:56 AM
traveler2002 traveler2002 is offline
Jr Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 23
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
traveler2002 is on a distinguished road
yes, but considering the fact that there are those with beauty on the inside and outside, i'm still out
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-21-04, 07:20 AM
apcpapergirl's Avatar
apcpapergirl apcpapergirl is offline
Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,326
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
apcpapergirl is on a distinguished road
Awwww.. I'm sorry.
Good luck to you.
__________________
Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-21-04, 08:16 AM
fasttalkingmom's Avatar
fasttalkingmom fasttalkingmom is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 3,343
Thanks: 1
Thanked 21 Times in 18 Posts
fasttalkingmom has a spectacular aura aboutfasttalkingmom has a spectacular aura about
Welcome........cute kitty

I read most of it, un-medicated.....so you now what that means?...

I like your addittued

Paula
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-22-04, 12:24 AM
Ace Ace is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 190
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Ace is on a distinguished road
"...yes, but considering the fact that there are those with beauty on the inside and outside, i'm still out."

Phrew, that was a long post! Well! Yes indeed, when you said something about being superficial, I thought you were exaggerating. Good luck to you, and take care of that cute cat of yours.

-Salaam
__________________
Ace
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-22-04, 12:26 AM
Tara's Avatar
Tara Tara is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Middleboro, MA USA
Posts: 6,363
Thanks: 23
Thanked 494 Times in 229 Posts
Tara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to allTara is a name known to all
Welcome to ADD Forums!!!!
__________________
Tara
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-22-04, 07:27 PM
bnsforu2's Avatar
bnsforu2 bnsforu2 is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Southeast, FL
Posts: 495
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
bnsforu2 is on a distinguished road
So this is what i am, striving to keep forward

=-=====

hi travelor!

Keep in touch.
PAul
__________________
*You cant say the right thing to the wrong person and you cant say the wrong thing to the right person.
*To the world we may be 1 person, to 1 person we may be the world.
*How yoooooooooooo doin????????
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-23-04, 04:38 PM
ADDled ADDled is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: location location
Posts: 111
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
ADDled is on a distinguished road
Welcome, traveller2k2
First of all, the length of your post casts serious doubt on whether you're add at all
Second, some of it was hilarious.
Third, if you like girls - you will get one.
If there's one things girls love, it's being liked - they can really pick up on that.
Love happens - sooner or later, but it happens.
The more girls you talk to, the more relaxed you'll be doing it - so talk to them .... the worst can happen is they're rude - in which case, you just say .... I only talked to you for a bet !
Anyway, that was a great first post and I look forward to more of the same, Mr. Funnyguy.
Addled
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Favorite Free 3D Virtual-world Voice-chat Program - Very Cool Indeed!! *~ ßEEK ~* Websites 5 10-18-06 07:18 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:10 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums