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Old 01-05-19, 12:41 AM
acdc01 acdc01 is offline
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Re: Some improvement but follow through low

So since you asked for an app, I gave you a recommendation earlier. But for me, just planning ahead will not keep me from procrastinating/missing appointments.

I myself am actually very good at planning my time. My issues are:
1. I feel a sort of anxiety when I have to do something I don't want to do. So even if I've preset a time to work on something I can't actually bring myself to do it at the prearranged time cause that anxiety keeps me from starting it. It's only after I've procrastinated to the last second that the stress of the due dates overrides the anxiety I feel and I can get started on the task.

2. I hear my alarm go off but the next second, something else has sidetracked my mind and I've completely forgotten about the alarm/reminder.

If it's only about putting something in a calendar and doing a better job planning time, I think that's something that can be improved. If his anxiety overwhelms him so he just can't get himself to start doing something till the last minute, this is not going to be fixed with apps. And he needs meds and therapy for other reasons, but in terms of procrastination, I doubt they'll make much difference though still worth a shot.

I myself have never found a solution. The most effective thing for me is to eliminate the tasks that give me that kind of anxiety (delegate work to others, hire someone else to do it, exchange work, figure out another way to achieve the same goal, etc.) or figure out a way to not dread the task so much (take baby steps, make it more fun, etc.). I rarely succeed at making a task interesting enough to me that I can not procrastinate. I nearly always eliminate the task which means I have never truly improved in terms of not procrastinating stuff I don't want to do. But by figuring out how to eliminate the task in a way where I can still achieve my goal, I'm still succeeding. Sorry if this sounds confusing.

To this day, I procrastinate everything I do though I always finish just in the nick of time. It's a stress I know I just have to have so anyone that shares my life with me has to accept that (instead of trying to change me) and not be too stressed themselves by it. I keep the overall stress down by minimizing the number of tasks I have to do that I am prone to procrastinate to a minimum. This works well for me.

This will be the last time I say this as I sound like a broken record I'm sure. But I still think you should give your husband a deadline and if you aren't happy in the relationship by that deadline (or he relapses), you should leave him. It's great that he's sober now but I think he does accept that being a drunk is wrong of him so he actually tries with that. But I don't get the sense he takes responsibility for his other actions and even blames you for them. You can't get someone to help themselves if they don't truly want to improve. And even if he wanted to improve, if you aren't happy, then putting blame aside, you guys just aren't right together if you aren't happy together.

Good Luck.
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