Thread: Resentment
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Old 12-08-18, 11:51 AM
acdc01 acdc01 is offline
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Re: Resentment

I do agree with Sarahsweets. I still stand by what I said about giving it a try for maybe 6 more months or whatever limited timetable you think is right since you are still holding out hope and don't want to give up yet. But if it goes over that time and he's still like that, then the only way for peace is to just have your expectation be that he doesn't help you and that he will continue to verbally abuse you. That that is just normal behavior and expected and accepted by you.

What Sarahsweets has told you is actually what 2 of my sisters marriage counselors told her as well (accept him for who he is and stop hoping for more OR leave) so I'm guessing it's a very standard advice since people nearly always do not change. The problem I think is that in your case, that will be like trying to believe in Santa Claus. You already know the truth and brainwashing yourself to ignorance will be really difficult. So the real choices are choose to be miserable for the rest of your life or choose to be free.

And as a daughter of a person who chose to be miserable until long after her kids became adults, I know that staying in that misery will not only damage you but damage your kids as well. I know you were glad for your mom but honestly, I think you were damaged by your dad staying based on what you are writing here. Kids are always damaged and they are much more likely to repeat your mistakes in their own marriages should they live through them. You are after all wanting to follow in your father's footsteps.

In your husbands case, if after 6 months of additional unsuccess, well I think your husbands chances for having that fairy tale happy ending your mom had are extremely slim. Especially since he's already diagnosed now. There isn't some magic pill that is going to help him after giving it a try for another 6 months and the pills still don't work.

Best of luck to you. You seem like a very kind and caring person and I hope the best for you.
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