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Old 06-10-19, 04:55 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

So remember over a year ago I talked about how there's this girl at my church I felt super awkward being around because I kept messaging her online for reassurance that she wasn't pursuing me (sure I had a bit of a crush, but I didnt want a relationship).. And how I had become good friends with her former boyfriend?

So my friend is studying medicine in another state (the girl is also in the medical field too) and he used to attend university in the state I live. Since we attend the same denomination and in every state we have a meet up/evangelistic meeting called camp meeting, so he comes to the one at my state for just one weekend (he also has friends at a church in another town).

Now here's the thing that was bothering me. I wanted him to come meet up with my church friends for potluck, hoping that girl would be there just so it would be an interesting surprise, but at the same time I wasnt even sure if she was there. I invited my friend, but he had already been invited by friends from his former church. I chose to go with him too, but I had gotten a ride by someone who had to leave right after potluck, so I had to run over to where my church was having potluck so I could find someone else to take me home later.

I also noticed the girl was there and thought to myself it's too bad my friend hadnt come over. If I could go back in time I would have called myself an idiot and say that I should tell my friend she's here so he can come over to say hi. I say that because I mentioned she was at camp meeting and he wasnt aware of this and he mentioned that he thought of meeting up to say hi.

I was texting him about how she's finishing residency this month with plans to go overseas to some USA territory. My friend is busy studying for a board exam, he's got one more year of medical school to go. I know he doesnt always check his texts right a way, but after texting all that yesterday, I began to feel so bad though and waiting for him to reply doesnt make it feel any better.

Ironically, while I'm ruminating over a missed meet up opportunity, he's busy studying and probably forgot all about that. I'm sure he will eventually see my texts and tell me not to worry about it. I think I'm addicted to reassurance seeking, but I dont seem to have the courage to just call to talk about it. Ironically, it's the texting of my worries that causes the anxiety to get worse. I literally just realized this while typing.

I just learned something today about myself, if you're a worrwart, shun texting like a plague and call instead.. Lol jk
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