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Old 06-19-18, 01:02 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
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Re: Feeling guilty and discredited because I take stimulants..

You're still in the process of getting used to this whole new experience in your life ... the experience of success ... and academic success.

This is a new experience for you ... and sudden shifts in experiences ... even when the shift is fantastic--as your is--creates a period of the "bends" as the scuba divers say ...

Your experience is more common than you think ... I just had lunch with an acquaintance in her 40s who has been borderline financially "broke" her entire life ... who just inherited about a million dollars from her mom. You think she's totally relaxed with this new experience ... Actually it's confusing. She now has to look after money differently, hire financial advisors, figure out investments ...

And her mind just is not used to having money.

Well your mind isn't used to academic success ... But ... you're overstating a few things ... You say you worked hard ... that's a key to academic success ... the meds helped you maximize working hard ... you didn't just take a med, skip studying and show up and ace your tests ... the meds allowed you to work hard and focus.

Splendid. That's what the med is supposed to do. And if a ton of your classmates took the med, there's no guarantee that they would study hard and maximize things ... Unless they have the drive and ambition and some real brights, the med wouldn't help them in the same way it helped you.

Your studying is as essential as the med. Clearly you have drive and some ambition ... all those are essential ingredients.

Your insecurity about accommodations is just that: insecurity ... I'm a professor ... I don't give a blank about accommodations. I give them all the time to students ... and rarely had I seen a student go from say C to A based on an accommodation. Plus I also teach a bunch of non-ADHD procrastinators and I give them extra time on the fly as long as I know the work coming in will be good.

Allow yourself to feel grateful and happy about the effectiveness of stimulants. Praise the medication researchers and the ADHD researchers ... and whoever helped you get diagnosed and treated. Embrace all of that ...

Let this open your mind to human possibility ... sometimes we may be only a small step away from unleashing someone's potential ... Let yourself ponder that.

And understand that life is hard ... and you will have enough challenges in your life ... so you don't need to run around making yourself feel guilty ... In fact, your academic struggles have already taken a hit on your esteem ... so much so that you're feeling uncomfortable with success. Your guilt is itself a sign of the havoc that your condition has played on your esteem and confidence.

Relax ... share ... talk to teachers, parents ... your prescribing doctor, therapists ... Share these feelings ... You can work through them.

But just breathe and feel grateful ... and thankful ... and reflect ... and keep going! ...
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