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Old 08-24-19, 02:10 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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please somebody help me understand something.

even posting this message I feel, wrong.

when I first went into therapy 4 years ago one of the first comments I said was "I'm probably better than the top 1000 guitarist in arkansas". my therapist, scoft at me.

thing is, I wasn't lying. I've played guitar for over 15 years, more like 22 years now, I've been in the music scene in arkansas for 6 of those years, I've got to known a good amount of people, had a good time.

growing up, I listened to steve vai and people like him for influence and said to myself " I can be as good as those people at playing guitar" and never looked back. whenever I feel bad, ****ty or any other diserade state, guitar has been the only behavior that gives me sollice. after a while, other behaviors came to the forefront.

problem is, any behavior I engage at I become extremely good at, and, I feel I'm wrong, that I'm not supposed to be good at any behavior, that if I'm good at any behavior I might hurt another person, that if I'm the best, or play the best at any behavior, somebody else will see what I do and, I'm just not supposed to be good at anything.

yesterday I played a melody that, I was, I could hardly believe what I played and I felt really good at what I did, and now I feel really ****ty. I wasn't lying to my therapist, the % might of been schued, however, I can pull of steve vai licks and feel great, steve vai is, like one of the best guitarist the world over.

how come I don't feel good. I even proved that to my therapist, took my guitar to so he could see that I wasn't lying

I'm just, confused right now, because the guitar is just one example. do I continue to be the best I can at everything I do, or just, stop, because I don't want to be better than anybody else, but the more I do at any behavior I get better any any behavior really fast, but again, I don't want to be better than anyone else any behavior. ya plus, this is starting when my next semister of college is coming about
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