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Old 06-06-18, 04:05 PM
Sushuis Sushuis is offline

Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Finland
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This is the first time I've ever joined a forum..


I'm Sushuis, 23, female, and terrified of posting anything anywhere on the internet (not for any logical reason, just nervous about interacting with strangers unless it's face to face...). I may have Adhd, although it has so far gone undiagnosed.

I'm extremely forgetful, disorganised and slow to start and finish things. I get excited about a project, buy tons of stuff relating to the project, get started and then bored within about a month. Hobbies and projets I have started include languages (french, spanish, german, japanese, hebrew), piano, flute, harmonica, 2 hamster cages, various hobbies related to dogs, blogging, photography, nail art.. Not including the last, I've never gotten further than the basics.

I procastinate on EVERYTHING. Nothing gets done if there is no deadline, essays I've always turned in either barely within deadline or late. If I have an appointment or something to do, I'll wake up three hours earlier in hopes of getting stuff done before that. Before I've realised, two hours have passed, coffee is cold, I haven't showered and I've missed the bus. Even waking up is sort of a slow process of 'just five more minutes'. It's gone past just laziness, as if there's a physical barrier preventing me from getting started.

Also, impulsivity. As a child I was mellow and easy, if very spacy. Never got properly angry, never really threw temper tantrums, all I did was slam doors as a teenager.. But as I've grown older, and especially during and after teens, my patience has suffered greatly. I get irritated super easily, blow up within seconds and cool down just as quickly, get angry if there is a sudden change of plans (brain unable to switch tasks?) and generally feel more irritated. No anger issues per se, no hormonal reason, no past trauma.

Also, impulsive shopping: I was supposed to look for a car for my mom, bought one myself; bought an apartment without seeing it first; went to see a specific dog breed without any intentions of getting a THIRD dog, walked away with a puppy; had a sudden urge to buy two dwarf hamsters.. Most of this in the last 12 months...

So yeah, I first heard of ADHD (the adult kind, not the hyperactive little boy kind) when I was about 18. At the time I seriously thought I had early Alzheimer's. My grades were low even though I "had potential", I'd just gotten my seventh yellow card (if you hit 12 they kick you out of school), I forgot to turn in my assignments or forgot my books at home. My friends thought it was just normal stress. If that was normal stress, then I've been stressed my whole life.

In high school I went to see a psychologist because of motivation and procastination issues. I was diagnosed with depression, but no one thought to mention ADHD. I struggled to graduate with barely enough courses and painfully average grades.

Since then I've been adrift: Sometimes I've been working, most often not. Don't know what I want to study, everything seems interesting but not interesting enough to make into a career. I am fortunate enough to be able to afford a relatively comfortable lifestyle at least for a short while, but I have to get started on an education soon.

After months and months of excuses and procastination I finally scheduled an appointment with who I thought was a neurologist and an adult ADHD expert. Turns out he was a psychiatrist specialising in children and teens, and knew nothing about ADHD in adults. Since I wasn't struggling in school (I had finished school years ago, darn it) or work (no work to speak of and no motivation to apply, what do you mean not affecting worklife??), he didn't see any reason to perform any additional tests, just told me that my working diagnosis was 'mild ADD' (ADD isn't even a proper term anymore, right? It's all ADHD now).

Now I'm less motivated than ever to seek a diagnosis, my family's not helping any ('We're all a little ADHD sometimes'), and I honestly don't know what to do. So for the first time ever, instead of trying to deal with it alone, I'm turning to the internet, in hopes of finding like-minded people who are struggling with the same things.

This is all a ramble, congrats if you read all the way through. I'm new to forums as I've stated before, and even though I read the rules, I'm still learning. So if I do something wrong, accidentally offensive or rude, please tell me.

TL;DR, Hello! Let's chat.
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The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Sushuis For This Useful Post:
ADHD_Trekkie (03-25-19), amberwillow (07-04-18), Fraser_0762 (06-06-18), Jeremiah26:11 (06-14-18), peripatetic (06-06-18), shaunG (10-02-18), stef (06-06-18), UndrwtrAthlete (07-03-18)