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LyrinMeow 05-07-18 05:17 PM

hygiene solutions
I have a lovely 14 year old teen with ASD and ADHD.

Except he has a bad habit of NOT changing his clothes every day and his school is getting really pissy with me about it. How am I supposed to remember what he wore yesterday?! I don't even remember what I wore yesterday.

He will shower, put on the old clothes, and off he goes and I get a phone call from the lady at school that demands she comes over to my house. My house is a People-I-Don't-Like-Free-Zone thank you very much.

I go to bed earlier than him and get up earlier than him. So I'm not around to remind him.

I've tried a dry erase board check list, phone reminders, and texts from work when I remember, and even tried a strict jammies on with tomorrows clothes laid out.

At this point I'm going to put a reminder on MY phone to text him.

Does anyone have any novel ideas about how to get him to remember to change clothes every day?

psychopathetic 05-07-18 05:49 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
I'm very unproud to admit that I'm a 35 year old man that still has this issue :(.

I really don't have any tips...though texting hm is a good idea.

How often does he get his clothes cleaned? I'll wear clean clothes over dirty clothes...if I have them. Problem is, is I'll often avoid doing my laundry and can go very long periods not doing so. It's not helping at this point in my life that I no longer have access to my parent's washer and dryer and have to pay and use public machines.


Wishing you and your son the best!

namazu 05-07-18 06:31 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
At least he's showering -- that's great!

I'm assuming that the clothes he's re-wearing are dirty/rumpled/smelly enough that it's noticeable to an outside observer? (I've never thought of re-wearing clean-enough clothes as a problem, myself...)

Have you asked him why he continues to wear the same clothes? Is there a sensory aspect to it, like he prefers the feel of certain pants or shirts to others? If so, maybe finding a couple more articles of clothing that feel OK to him would give him more options.

If it were purely an executive-function problem (remembering, making sure all of the parts of the outfit are there, organizing, etc.) I'd have thought that laying out clothes in advance would help (taking the in-the-moment decision-making out of it), but it sounds like that didn't solve the problem. Hmm...

This might be too similar to laying out clothes in advance, but if some of the problem is honestly forgetting what he already wore, would having a designated outfit for each school day of the week help? They could even be labeled (inside the collar/waistband) with the day. (Of course, that presumes he knows which day it is, which I know I don't always know!) A week's worth of folded outfits could maybe be lined up in a row across the top of a dresser or something, so that he just has to take the next pile in line each morning.

I guess figuring out where the break-down is -- is it that he's partial to a particular outfit? that it's overwhelming to coordinate an outfit each day? that his room is enough of a mess that he can't find things or distinguish clean/dirty? etc. -- might be helpful in trying to engineer a solution.

LyrinMeow 05-07-18 06:51 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
He will wear the same clothes for 3 days in a row if we don't catch him.

He washes his clothes every Sunday so he has no shortage of those.

I think it's more executive functioning. But trying to get an answer about WHY he does it is like pulling teeth. I don't even think he knows, honestly.

I had to lay it out. "Son, no one will like you if you are stinky. No one likes the stinky person. Don't be the stinky person."

I think I'll try laying out clothes combined with a text message reminder from me.

Little Missy 05-07-18 08:34 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
Maybe the particular pair(s) of clothing are just the right comfort and look that he desires.

allesandro1 05-07-18 08:54 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
Don't. Just make sure he's clean, and the clothes are too. Make him change when he gets home, have him shower, and wash his clothes. After he showers, you can give him his clothes back. They're likely complaining, not because he's wearing the same clothes, but likely because he is offending someone with body odor. If he's clean, and his clothes are clean, they won't care about his lack of sartorial excellence.

sarahsweets 05-08-18 04:42 AM

Re: hygiene solutions
Who is this woman who comes over your house and what business is it of hers? Its not like he is neglected! My daughter has three pairs of black leggings but loves black leggings and will often wear a pair 1 or two more times. They are all black so nobody knows but me, but if the same thing happening to you was happening to me, well I would be having someone knock on my door all the time!

Caco3girl 05-08-18 07:04 AM

Re: hygiene solutions
Have you tried having him put his clothes in a hamper in your room?

CharlesH 05-08-18 03:10 PM

Re: hygiene solutions

Originally Posted by Caco3girl (Post 1994246)
Have you tried having him put his clothes in a hamper in your room?

Yeah, ask him to select his clothes for the next few days ahead of time. That way, he can keep his independence and he doesn't have to spend energy deciding what to wear each morning.

LyrinMeow 05-08-18 04:24 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
I specifically asked what hygiene problems I needed to be working on and was only told the same clothes. They didn't say he was stinky. He did send me a text today saying he had changed his clothes. He got 4/5 last week. So he's getting better.

Though I'm not entirely sure about that. They complained about his hair which is about the length to the end of the bottom of his ears in the front. And it's purple. I call it messy teenage boy hair. I love it. They aren't so fond. :/

I think I might try the leaving new clothes out thing and see if that helps.

stef 05-08-18 05:04 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
Make sure there's a clothes hamper right in the area where he removes them; and in a different area, a visible stack of clean shirts
(btw this advice is for me...I have this tangled mess of clothes on a chair)

LyrinMeow 05-08-18 06:07 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
I asked and school confirmed it's not because he's stinky. She said he does let his nails get too long. To which I told her to not gender role my child. He can have long nails if he wants. We can even paint them.

allesandro1 05-08-18 07:04 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
So, I'm confused because originally you said that she was complaining because he wears the same clothes daily. Now it seems your saying that she is complaining because of his nails. Also, your saying that these clothes he wears every day are also washed daily as well? And he showers and uses deodorant daily as well also? Your sure??

namazu 05-08-18 10:33 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
What kind of school is this that micromanages his wardrobe, hairstyle, and nails?

And who is "she" -- a guidance counselor? school nurse? social worker? teacher? principal?

LyrinMeow 05-09-18 01:09 PM

Re: hygiene solutions
The guidance counselor is the one that demands she to come to my house.

The person I speak to through text is one of his special education teachers. I'm like tell me what you think is wrong so I can fix it. It came down to clothes and nails. He showers, he has an extra deodorant I sent to school if he forgets at home. He just doesn't change clothes every day. And forgets to cut his nails. Oh the horror.

However, if I don't "fix" it I can probably expect child protective services to show up at my door or some s****.

He has plenty of clothes which he DOES wash every Sunday. A computer better than mine. A Chromebook. And Iphone. An IPad. Wii, xbox 360, 3DS. And he'll probably be getting a Switch for his birthday. He eats literally all the food in the house. He's helping with my weight loss because it's all gone 2 days after I buy it. If he finds my roommate cooking he's all "Can I get some of that?" right after he just ate.

But these people forget they are talking to someone with Autism and ADHD. At school he would be like "We are out of milk" or "we are out of mac and cheese" so they think I can't afford to buy milk and mac and cheese and call me to ask if I need access to social services. I'm like omfg no. He just won't tell ME (the person who does the shopping) we are out of milk he tells YOU. And again, it's because he ate it all in 2 days again.

I can only imagine what kind of mom they think I am. -_-

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