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-   -   Things to say and not to say to kids (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194700)

Daniel1970 03-20-19 09:47 AM

Things to say and not to say to kids
 
Interesting, I was just skimming through a quick 61-slide show on MSN about things never to say to kids, and one of them was “you can be anything you want in life”. The reason you shouldn’t say that is because Success = talent + hard work + luck, and Great Success = a little more talent + hard work + a lot of luck. This is consistent with the latest thinking about success found in books such as The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, which came highly recommended to me by a friend.

That slide show is here, by the way:
http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/p...Czg?ocid=ientp

Daniel1970 03-20-19 10:22 AM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
A friend of mine recommended a caveat: You CAN say that they can achieve great success, maybe just not super-star status. So with hard work and perseverance, little Johnny CAN become an excellent musician, he might just play small halls and clubs rather than arenas. Or Sarah can become a great basketball player, but maybe not in the WNBA.

tudorose 03-20-19 06:32 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
I don't think you should talk to kids about being something or success at all. In my family you had to be the best otherwise you were a failure. I never said such rubbish to my kids I was more concerned with their mental health. The only thing I said they needed to do well at was their jobs because you need money to live.

I come last in almost every bike race I do. If my birth family knew they would be ashamed and say I should give it up. But in some ways that's my way of saying **** you to them. At least I ******* try

Rebelyell 03-20-19 08:37 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
Screw em are they out there in the ditches n at the races?? I think there's alot of things not to say to add kids or children otherwise because their self esteem are still developing..once the damage is done it takes years to get your freaking head straightened out that's if you can..I also think being honest w kids is a good thing too don't tell them something that's iffy n wishy washy or promise them something they can't achieve either.

Daniel1970 03-20-19 09:26 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
Yeah but when you have kids with their own goals and dreams and aspirations like mine do, you have to tell them SOMETHING. So then it's important to say, "yes, work hard at what you love and what you're good at, but there's no guarantee that you'll be Taylor Swift or a world-class surgeon. But you can make a good life for yourself and enjoy what you do, and do the best you can. And then the chips fall where they may."

sarahsweets 03-21-19 04:25 AM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
I always told my kids as long as they were happy and satisfied, that was enough for me.

Rebelyell 03-21-19 10:37 AM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
When I was a kid I use to want to be a guitar player for a rock band or a rock star or race cars. dad use to say the odds of making it are slim to none for one that makes it there's one million trying to make it...it broke my heart to hear that even tho he was right..I'm neither of any of those things but in a karmic way I learned to play guitar,I have 2 muscle/ sport cars have lots of go fast toys and kind of live a quasi rocknroll lifestyle w out all the drugs ..lol whispers a dirty lil secret, the best revenge is living well

stef 03-21-19 11:44 AM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
I think it's a fine line, because in the 70's/80's it was a lot easier to pursue a dream career (which nevertheless requires much work and perhaps a bit of luck). You could get through college without massive debt.

my son was a pretty average soccer player, he enjoyed playing with friends but not so much on the team and the he decided to try a different sport the following year. but if he had wanted to be the next Zidane at age 8, I would've totally encouraged him. really, some of these players have come out of nowhere and you see in the interviews, they had watched that 1998 world cup and being there this summer was their dream come true.

Lunacie 03-21-19 01:29 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel1970 (Post 2016239)
Interesting, I was just skimming through a quick 61-slide show on MSN about things never to say to kids, and one of them was “you can be anything you want in life”. The reason you shouldn’t say that is because Success = talent + hard work + luck, and Great Success = a little more talent + hard work + a lot of luck. This is consistent with the latest thinking about success found in books such as The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, which came highly recommended to me by a friend.

That slide show is here, by the way:
http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/p...Czg?ocid=ientp

But if you never try something you'll never know if you could have done it well.
You don't have to be rich and famous to do something well.
I tell my ASD granddaughter that she can try to do anything she wants,
but ... it will take her longer to do it than it takes most people. Keep trying.

Daniel1970 03-21-19 05:21 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
Well, yeah, I'm all for telling kids to try things and do them well. But there's a lot of success literature out there that you gotta warn people about - "10 steps to being a millionaire", "get all the girls", etc. And the fact is, there's a lot of luck involved in that kind of big-hit success. So you'll find love and get married, it just might not be to the prom queen, you dig? There definitely is success you can replicate, to kinda quote a friend of mine, such as saving $10K a year if you can and investing it, in 20 years you'll have your million. But there's only so many Taylor Swifts or Bryce Harpers, one of each in fact, and I just think you gotta be honest with your kids about that.

MattieMoon 03-23-19 01:27 PM

Re: Things to say and not to say to kids
 
I'm all for reality checks, but I have to be very careful that my personal resentment from hard knocks doesn't drag my kids' enthusiasm down. I always tell them "the most noble and amazing thing you can do is to take care of your family's needs and feed them, it might not be the most glamorous job, but you get points for sticking it out." The whole social media thing, grass is greener on the other side is also harmful regarding skewing reality. I 110% support my kids' dreams, but at times, it is to their benefit to see life in a more accurate perspective.


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