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Part 4 (last part)

Posted 11-24-09 at 10:06 PM by ginniebean
I started to feel as if I was not credible, that I was not an equal but had lost such standing that I must appeal to the parent/superior to prove I do not deserve this loss of status?

Somehow the expert turned themselves into the standard against which I am judged and this is right and as things should be, I should not have a problem with this. If I complain, I'm told that I'm being 'oversensitive' “negative” 'excuse making and not seeing things correctly. This despite that ADHD does not present with any cognitive distortion.

The disturbing message that we're oversensitive about ourselves and insensitive towards others is a conduit for self doubt.. As an example, there have been threads here on the forum between NT's and ADDers where some of us passionate types made attempts to present and explain difficulties or clear up misconceptions and I experienced the full effect of dismissiveness.

How did these explanations backfire so consistently? Instead of reasons, somehow we had excuses. How did a group of marginalized people with disability so consistently get charged with being insensitive to people who had no disability? The paternalistic voices saying 'there was no reason for you to be offended' denying us equal dignity, denying the reality that was so clearly seen.

I can't help but feel manipulated when (unintended or not) efforts are made to instill confusion, guilt, shame, and self doubt. It's as if there is a catalogue of our weaknesses being exploited. Why all the negative messages embedded in the help? Can't trust an ADHDer to be honest in self report? Manipulative means need to be employed to ensure that the ADHDer conitnues to comply? That unless we are manipulated we won't produce up to expectation?

The insistence on seeing the impairments of ADHD as challenges we can overcome negates the disability. It matters not how often someone points out the inconsistency that you don't dance in front of someone in a wheel chair saying “can you do this? Huh huh?” it gets deflected with objections that the parallel is too extreme.

Is it? The parapalegic has legs that do not work like someone without that disability, scientific evidence shows clearly that our brain doesn't work like someone without disability so I need to question where is the extreme in this?

Yes, new skills and specialized coping mechanisms can be implemented to mediate the ADHD but the ADHD remains. New tools and coping skills also have to be learned when one is a parapalegic. It doesn't mean that the new skills will have the parapalegic walking again, he'll still be parapalegic and more or less living with and coping with his condition. Does the parapalegic have memory problems? In many instances the parapalegic will experience no impariment where in an identical situation someone with ADHD would.

What causes this dichotomy? Why on the one hand does the research suggest ADHD is a chronic disorder affecting many domains of major life activities and on the other, various advice helpers report a managable inconvenience? I don't want to say that it's all about money, that it's exploitative manipulation. Most of these people do sincerely wish to help. I just wonder about the assumptions that inform that desire.

Marginalisation occurs by denial and dismissal. If it can be pretended that others don’t really have disabilities or that such aren’t even 'rea' disabilities, then nothing needs to be done. You don't need to accommodate the other person’s needs. There’s no effort or changes necessary to be made, and any problems that the person has are strictly their fault.

Social convention demands that I silence my ADHD, that it not be visible. I work hard at this and even tho only a little squeeks out now and then, I mostly pass for normal. That passing is me struggling with this slippery thing, trying with both hands to grasp it and control it, knowing that I can only do so for so long before once again it slips from my grasp.

How can I challenge these assumptions of 'what is best for us"? Or who we are? If this relentless engine that in fact does feel like a 'cattle roundup' is so insistent upon it's 'rightness and fitness' despite the toll it takes on us as individuals, despite how it minimizes and seeks for us to conceal just how onerous what is being asked of us is.

What about rest? Is there a place for it? Does it need to be prescribed? Is it ok to rest now? Is this good enough? Isn't part of having a chronic condition needing the realisation that you can't spend all your time getting 'better' that you have to live your life on it's own terms, instead of constantly struggling against it? Resting doesn't mean giving up it just means not struggling for awhile.

Is there even a possibility of discovering a place of peace or self acceptance? Is it possible to come out of this ....

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  1. Old
    Kudos on being one of the few people that wrestles with the dilemmas that come with having an "invisible" disability.
    Posted 11-25-09 at 07:15 AM by Retromancer Retromancer is offline
  2. Old
    ginniebean's Avatar
    glad you liked it.
    Posted 11-26-09 at 05:00 AM by ginniebean ginniebean is offline
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